Live Tweeting the Eurovision Finals 2009

Anticipation

efan78 Is it bad that I feel like an excited kid on Christmas Eve every #Eurovision final day?

owenblacker If you're looking to avoid #Eurovision, you'll prolly want to unsub from me overnight tonight (paging @Beardy)
Beardy Closing Twitter for the night. Everyone's talking about Eurovision and I'm just not gay enough to give a shit

petshopboys Gay rights rally in Moscow has been brutally broken up by police while an anti-gay demo has gone ahead. Enjoy Eurovision!

zefrog@edwardclarke what time does the madness start? ie when do I need to step away from Twitter to avoid being flooded with Eurovision rubbish?
edwardclarke@zefrog In a few minutes - at 8. Not to worry, Twitter will collapse shortly thereafter!
zefrog Is logging off to avoid Eurovision madness on Twitter (though the thing is apparently scheduled to collapse under the number of tweets) #fb

Wossy #eurovision It's a bit like being on a cruise without the benefit of arriving anywhere at the end of the show.

davidschneider My family actually want me to talk to them rather than tweet. They're so last year #twumpet

ewanspence: 3 minutes to #eurovision 7 minutes to Failwhale #twumpet

Overture & Dima Bilan


bbceurovision WAHEY! And we're HERE! Happy #eurovision Final, everyone! - Paul
ewanspence And here we go, it's "Dima Bilans Saturday Night Takeaway!"
redmummy Sort of a young Depardieu with wires & now demolition - and very, very poor lip syching.@thoroughlygood You concentrating? #eurovision
efan78: Yay! Dima Bilan's face smashed into a wall!!
edwardclarke Will Dima take his shirt off? #Eurovision
owenblacker @ewanspence It must be said, I'm quite upset that he's removed lots of clothes but is still overdressed… #eurovision
owenblacker So busy admiring how pretty Dima is that I nearly forgot to unpause @ewanspence’s commentary :o$ #esc09
roughcognisance LOL @ Dima fucking up with his jacket, the Russian director must be shitting himself! MY PERFECT PRESENTATION RUINED, SHOOT THE BOY!!
valsadie: #Eurovision "Believe" song's not the same without that little ice skater dude... LOL!

Lithuania

edwardclarke Sensitive pouty Lithuanian lad. I think most "sophisticated" song of the evening (bar France) #Eurovision
roughcognisance Lithuania looks bald under that hat, and the song is ... bad. Really bad. Wow. #eurovision #twumpet
redmummy LITHUANIA Oh God he's spontaneously combusting. End of ....#eurovision
Wossy If the fire had come out of his arse I might have been impressed.


Israel

bletherer: This is the second time I can remember Israel has sent an apparently unironic 'peace' song ... and WTF is that dress? esc
Wossy #eurovision one of my dogs farted during the israel entry. Very apt.

France


bbceurovision First of the big hitters up next - Patricia Kaas from France. She's sold MILLIONS of albums right across Europe... - Paul
thoroughlygood Is Patricia's dress "under construction" ? #eurovision
edwardclarke: OMG Eye makeup!
ScoobyDoofus: This French bird looks like she's come straight here from the club she went to last night... #Eurovision
thoroughlygood Patricia is ONE SCARY LOOKING WOMAN #eurovision
edwardclarke@thoroughlygood bunny boiler, definitely!
efan78 Shouldn't Glenn Close be rehearsing for #Damages? #Eurovision Whoo! A dance at the end!

Sweden


efan78 YAY SWEDEN - Remember campers, this is the one - pleeeease! #Eurovision
efan78 Although she does seem to have transplanted Madonna's Arms #Eurovision
thoroughlygood Our Guest says that Malena could ever so slightly look like a post-op transexual. I'm saying nothing. #eurovision
Wossy #eurovision The swedish entry does look rather as if she has a past in adult movies. And perhaps a future judging from the yodelling.
owenblacker Upping my outfits score on the strength of those masks #esc09
efan78 Psst! Swedish Backing group - lend one of those Phantom masks to Lord L-W please? #Eurovision
bletherer My god, it’s Ulrikakaka Goes Trance! #Eurovision
redmummy SWEDEN Is ANYONE counting the number of dead ostriches that have been used in this 'ere competition. Someone call RSPCA please #eurovision
bletherer I quite like Swedish Opera Trance, although it sounds like it could be a British Airways commercial #Eurovision

Croatia

bletherer Croatia with tonight’s first Zorba the Greek entry. The first of many, one hopes #Eurovision
thoroughlygood It’s that smoldering looking bloke in his Doc Martens again. What a little crooner. #eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Mr Croatia looks a bit simple, bless him. #Eurovision

Portugal

bletherer Our verdict on Portugal - quite impressed. I have clearly misjudged the fat chick and accordion combo and I apologise #Eurovision

Iceland

ScoobyDoofus I didn’t know Melinda Messenger was from Iceland... #Eurovision
r_mackinnon Thanks be to jeebus for some music. Thanks, Iceland. You’ll get some votes for that. And the lesbian PM #eurovision
redmummy #eurovision Iceland Mediocrity reaches new heights
helenrf Iceland for me :) but NOT the dress! #eurovision
bbceurovision There seems to be a bit of a ‘toilet-roll holder’ theme with the frocks in this year’s #eurovision... -Paul

Greece



ewanspence Its Greece next. Sakis Rova can jump higher than any other man on the planet, and has an amazing sun-tan bed on stage #eurovision #twumpet
efan78 Has he opened more buttons on his shirt for the final? Will it work? Do we care so long as it's man-totty?
bletherer Greece is pretty epic. Is trance making a comeback or something? I think their singer may have waxed his chest #Eurovision
redmummy GREECE Ah, yes - the light box fandango. What do you reckon the lycra content of his trouser is? They haven't split ... yet. #eurovision
Wossy #eurovision He is like a nightmare Ibizan sex pest.
Simonique: Love Greece!!! Like being in Heaven off your face at 3 In the morning! #eurovision
thoroughlygood You tacky tacky queen Sakis. #eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Greece's entry is gayer than Scooch, and that's saying something. #Eurovision
valsadie #eurovision (rendered speechless by Greece in convulsive laughter!)

Armenia


bbceurovision Yes, it’s the Brides of Dracula! I love ‘em! :D
Wossy #eurovision I am going to move to Armenia.
Wossy #eurovision dem is some fine, hot, mediaeval bitches right there.
thoroughlygood Ladies and Gentlemen . . the best song of the night is from Armenia. Hurrah #eurovision

LGBTQ

Wossy #eurovision I am with Peter Tatchell. Figuratively. Go on Graham, say it ! They are backward fascists. Dumb ass russians.
owenblacker Ooh, was that slightly controversial, Graham commenting on this morning's gay pride stuff in Moscow? #esc09
owenblacker@edwardclarke Twas a comment about "heavy handed policing being something that's marred this year's #Eurovision" or words to that effect

Russia

ewanspence And now, the hosts Russia will attempt to sing “My Lovely Horse” and not have to spend 36 million Euros in 2010 #eurovision #twumpet
ScoobyDoofus Is the Russian singer wearing a towel? #Eurovision
thoroughlygood Russian girl seems to be wearing a shower curtain #eurovision

Azerbaijan

ScoobyDoofus: Ooh the hair thieves! They come in the night. STEAL your hair, they do, and sell it into slavery, in Azerbaijan.
bletherer: I think their backing singers might be fellers. Cracking!

Bosnia & Herzegovina

ewanspence Bosnia next - if coldplay ever did eurovision, it would look like this, right down to the Ridley Scott Hero Pose (tm) #eurovision #twumpet
thoroughlygood OK .. I’m off to the kitchen to get the Vietnamese Prawn Rolls whilst the cast of Les Mis do their song for Bosnia & Herzogovina #eurovision
Simonique #eurovision love a bit of drama school ‘movements’ re: Bosnia.


Moldova

edwardclarke Moldova: *escapes to kitchen for a refill* #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision a strapping lass. Let’s hope she milks a cow for the finale.

Malta

edwardclarke "She never met a malteser she didn't like " Haha best comment yet Graham #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Malta has set one of the dogs into a weird frenzy. he either loves her or hates her. Too soon to tell.
ScoobyDoofus I think the Malteser just took a bite out of the microphone... #Eurovision
roughcognizance Does Chiara have a license for those boobs? #eurovision

Estonia

ewanspence Estonia next, very much a classical piece, making full use of the 200m2 of LED screens... to hide behind #eurovision #twumpet
ScoobyDoofus Seriously, did the Estonian girl actually use the fiddle at any point? #Eurovision
edwardclarke OK Minus points for gratuitous use of violin. #Eurovision

Denmark

edwardclarke Faux Boyzone now #Eurovision
edwardclarke He's relatively easy on the eyes though
thoroughlygood Brinck from Denmark. Top or Bottom? #eurovision
efan78: Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be... Ronan Keating with a Speech impediment #Eurovision
bletherer Ronan Keating wrote Denmark's entry, and the singer has taken it on himself to sing it in the style of a talentless Irish nit #Eurovision
ScoobyDoofus I thought they said Ronan wrote it, not that he was SINGING it... #Eurovision
bbceurovision So should the UK get Ronan to write one for us next year?
edwardclarke@bbceurovision NNOOOOO! #Eurovision
bletherer: Actually, this could have charted.... in 1997 #Eurovision
owenblacker As my wife put it: If Ronan Keating had never existed, this would be quite good #esc09

Germany



owenblacker Really do love Ditta von Teese's outfit; shame they won'let her wear it properly: http://is.gd/Aq2F #esc09
edwardclarke I'm dying to see Dita :-) #Eurovision
roughcognizance OH MY GOD TROUSERS MY EYE MY EYES. Though Dita Von Teese is supposed to appear during this, should be fun. #eurovision
edwardclarke I actually like his sparkly trousers! #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Germany have the best clothes. Love dem trousers
davidschneider Love the tight mirrorball trousers. And he's definitely not Jewish #trumpet
Wossy #eurovision anyone know where Dita Von T stores her internal organs ?
owenblacker That is a different top she's wearing isn't it? #esc09
edwardclarke@owenblacker Yep, it is! How come that one made it past the costume police? #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Germany !!! This is what John Barrowman dreams of after a cheese feast.
thoroughlygood: Are his trousers "day wear" @redmummy?
bletherer Dig the lead singer’s sparkling leggings ... in an alternative universe where I have no shame #Eurovision
Simonique #eurovision definition of irony = German poof singing about Miss Kiss Kiss Bang. You're mum knows you're gay!!! Disco ball trousers!!
ScoobyDoofus His shiny trousers are a crime against humanity. #Eurovision

Turkey

efan78 Hmm, Middle eastern sound, drums, short sharp vocal sounds - must be Turkey (Again!) #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision What are the Turkish ladies wearing round their ankles? Are they electronically tagged to make sure they return?
bletherer Shakira met a package holiday to Izmir down a back alley and clearly this is the result #eurovision


Albania


bbceurovision Are we all loving the blue sparkly gimp?
ewanspence Nightmare time, as the Green Gimp and two Derek Zoolander midgets join Kejsi Tola on stage for Albania #eurovision #twumpet
Wossy #eurovision If you know you're performing on a big stage why hire such small dancers ?
bletherer Albania have kidnapped Geri Halliwell and forced her to become the Blue Man Group's ginger love slave #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Albania. This is just wrong. Surely. Didn't anyone else enter in Albania ?
davidschneider If this were a dream I had I would make sure I never slept again #twumpet
bbceurovision Or is the blue-green man a little happy dancing condom?

Norway


Simonique #eurovision Norway - men humping the stage, always good.
owenblacker A *girl* you knew, Alexander? Really? #esc09
bbceurovision Have Norway fiddled the vote? Fiddle? Get it?



Ukraine


bbceurovision Another of my favourites now - UKRAINE with Svetlana and the cast of the movie "300"...
edwardclarke Svetlana is such a trouper! #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Ukraine have given me a headace. Her groin/ hip area is over-active.
redmummy UKRAINE Anti-crisis bomb? Oh yes, this is the best case for nuclear weapons I've heard for years! Where's the red button?
thoroughlygood My mother just called. She wants to call the BBC to complain about Ukraine. #eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Wish the cameraman would actually focus on those Ukranian dancers... #Eurovision
owenblacker Ah yes, I do remember liking the Ukranian dancers before ;o)
edwardclarke Have those centurions stripped, washed and taken to my tent! #Eurovision
roughcognizance@edwardclarke Why would you want them washed? #eurovision
davidschneider Those wheels! This is like porn for hamsters #twumpet #eurovision
efan78 So, is this SPARTAAAAA!!!? anyone? Although if there were ever a pair of f-me boots - they'd be the ones. #Eurovision
style_therapy Of course she plays drums. Of course. Ukraine might get my Eurovision vote for sheer WTF factor...
Simonique #eurovision Ukraine - might as well be in Chariots. Camp camp camp!!!
davidschneider My sexuality is all over the place now. I'm off to join the Roman army



Romania

bletherer I went to Romania once to visit the offices of Hewlett-Packard. Based on what I saw, this song does not surprise me #eurovision
kvinnesland #eurovision Romania is better with the sound off. Likk no body, likk no body.. What?

UK


bbceurovision IT'S OUR TIME! Jade is on next...
Wossy #eurovision Please god let Andrew LW be dressed as the phantom or a cat.
ewanspence Andrew Lloyd Webber is not dressed as The Phantom (Of the Opera). Missed chance there I think. #eurovision #twumpet
thoroughlygood What a fantastically sober coloured shirt the Lord is wearing
efan78 DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA ANDREW, for the love of 'God, just don't! #Eurovision
edwardclarke@efan78 Why? Do you think he might break it? #Eurovision
efan78@edwardclarke No, but every look is 5 million voters lost from fear ;-P
owenblacker Hur. From Thingbox: "What's that behind Lord L-Webber? Oh yeah, his career." Hur. #esc09
style_therapy Ooh, classy outfits on all the UK performers, which is a nice change from last year. And is that ANDREW LLOYD WEBER?
davidschneider OK. We get it. It's your time. #twumpet
davidschneider Well, at least we've got the best-looking pianist #twumpet #eurovision
kvinnesland #eurovision UK has entered the wrong contest. Beautiful song, but do they expect to win without a stupid show and silly pants?
roughcognizance Technically brilliant, moving and emotional. Still not convinced it's #Eurovision material though.
style_therapy The UK putting in a halfway decent showing at Eurovision? That's just not on. I feel kind of cheated.

Finland

Wossy #eurovision Finland have lost the plot. They should have phoned each other to co-ordinate outfits. Sir Ben Kingsley raps. Who knew ?
Simonique #eurovision did Finland not get the memo? It's not 1999 anymore!!!
davidschneider Finland has the highest rate of suicides in the world. That's all I'm saying. #twumpet #eurovision


Spain

Kogenre Spain: The set designer overdosed on purple. Waaayyy tooo much.
edwardclarke Oh Soraya isn't wearing that gorgeous white dress - this is quite tarty. #Eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Is that Duncan from Blue dancing for Spain?
edwardclarke@ScoobyDoofus the boy dancers are way too overdressed! #Eurovision
ScoobyDoofus@edwardclarke Maybe they should have borrowed the centurion costumes from Ukraine...
edwardclarke@ScoobyDoofus I actually would have preferred those with slightly fewer encumbrances, also! :-) #Eurovision

Voting, Interval and Scoring

ewanspence Thats your 25 of the night! Who gets your vote? Time to open the voting by leaving Europe and going to a SPACE STATION!
bbceurovision Space. the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Eurovision...

edwardclarke Ok, will the rest of evening be ruined??? Tension mounts! #Eurovision Time for tea.

ScoobyDoofus Hmmm. I think I want Finland to win, followed by the Ukranian dancers. And third choice is Portugal. #Eurovision
davidschneider Well, it's Armenia for me. Best Eurovalue: UberGreek, the Moldovan Space Invader dancers and the revolving Albanian dwarves



ewanspence Interval act demands the phrase "can I have what theyre having?" Pity the Olimpisky stadium is (allegedly) alcohol free #eurovision #twumpe
ewanspence Nothing like some watersports at Eurovision <fx:ducks> #eurovsion #twumpet
Wossy#eurovision let Lord Lloyd Weber have a swim in the puddle. Please. But watch out - if he gets wet he turns into a gremlin.

Wossy #eurovision please don't turn the lights on over the audience. Like being in a euro night club at chucking out time.

edwardclarke Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease can UK has some votes at least, this year??! #Eurovision
thoroughlygood I think we'll know after the first two countries have cast their votes how the UK has done. #eurovision
ewanspence: Spain vote 8 for POrtugal (cough), 10 for UK (yaay, that;'s promising) and 12 to Norway. #eurovision #twumpet
thoroughlygood HURRAH for Spain!
edwardclarke Spain I love you!
ScoobyDoofus@edwardclarke I think we've peaked...

. . .

efan78 Ah bejesus! 10 points from the Oirish! May all your rainbows have leprechauns! #Eurovision

. . .

DavidBrain #eurovision Wow Iceland have more Eurovision points than money

. . .

ScoobyDoofus So, we just need 190 points from the next two votes, and we've won!
#Eurovision


Reactions



zefrog Is it over yet? #eurovision
thoroughlygood So we're in the top five. Alright then. Yes. I can face Monday. Life can continue. UK team should be pleased - even if I was over-optimistic
davidschneider It's not the winning that counts. It's the coming fifth #twumpet #eurovision
bbceurovision I'm frankly amazed that Ukraine hasn't done any better. Think of poor Svetlana and her mortgaged flat!

thoroughlygood Has Dima Bilan had a stroke since the beginning of the programme? #eurovision
plastic_snowman@thoroughlygood he's still recovering from running through those walls

owenblacker RT @CllrTim: Who would have thought, after this week, a bloke on the fiddle could be so popular. #twumpet #eurovision
davidschneider: The Norwegian boy might lose his virginity tonight. The Albanian dwarves have their eyes on him

roughcognizance Norway was just so. fucking. shit. It's like the poetry a 15 year old geek writes for his GCSE English course. #eurovision
roughcognizance And in non-Eurovision news, I have a cookie. Nom nom.

efan78 RT @J0rdanhunt i went shopping today! im so happy and i just watched the Eurovision dong contest with my mom, havnt seen her in like a month
efan78 Am I the only person scared of the #Eurovision Dong contest? ;-P
edwardclarke@efan78 Now we’re talking!
efan78@edwardclarke Actually, we could get all the stoners together and hold the #Eurovision Bong Contest
bbceurovision What a fantastic night, I thought. One of my fave #eurovision finals ever. Lovely to be in with a chance for once! Roll on 2010!
redmummy I really do NOT like that Norwegian kid's face. I'm not watching next year. End of. (I say that every year). #eurovision - See you next year
thoroughlygood #Eurovision is all over now. Thank God for that. http://bit.ly/eBP1N

Aftermath

juli_e bbc news seems to have misinterpreted the new voting system as a voting system guaranteed to give the UK a win #twumpet

GrahamNorton Well everyone we didn’t win! Remind me to strike Norway off as a holiday destination, unless I’m wearing ear plugs! Only joking of course! x

style_therapy@Richaod Any time! I don't know how I ever did Eurovision without Twitter.

More Tweets:
Eurovision 2009 Semi Finals 1
Eurovision 2009 Semi Finals 2

and it's Norway

Well, we all called this one a long time ago, and the fairytale duly came true for Alexander Rybak last night in Moscow. Next year in Oslo, then.

Alexander's performance was perfectly pitched between spontaneous charm and well-drilled technique. I've never liked his song but clearly millions and millions of European voters did.

I am very relieved Jade and our Lord did well - I think putting Andrew Lloyd Webber on stage was emotionally blackmailing the Europeans a bit; we were rather daring them to give us nul points. Luckily they rose to our bait and Jade's flawless performance of - let's face it - one of Andrew Lloyd Webber's off-cuts scored in the top five. Our national prestige is saved. France also did relatively well; but I feel sorry for Germany (and even Spain) who deserved a little better than they got.

I'm very pleased with Azerbaijan's, Turkey's, and Iceland's placings. Poor dear Sakis from Greece has humiliatingly learned his hunk status is now definitively in the past tense; Svetlana from Ukraine too has had her maximalist "more is never enough" recycled old-school Xtina shtick kicked into touch by the Euro yoof. Even though I loved Svetlana's hatchet-faced old trouper efficiency: her back-up dancers were my consolation for having to bid a tearful farewell to Hungary's Zoli Adok, who did not gain a place in the final.

Sequinned Roman Centurion costumes cut to expose maximum well-toned masculine flesh have to score a new high (or low) in Eurovision camp. Bless you, Svetlana.

Lots of excellent tweeting happening tonight - everyone was on great form; some suggested twitter was more fun than Graham Norton's BBC commentary. I thought Graham did great, although I miss the scary random risks Terry Wogan took so fearlessly. Strange to think that Graham Norton of all people should feel so safe by comparison.

I'll collate my favourite tweets tomorrow to complete the set for Eurovision 2009. In the meantime, goodnight and sweet dreams. The Eurovision Song Contest for 2009 is now over.

Eurovision tweets round 2

Well, tonight is the big night. I’m feeling increasingly nervous for us: with the effort the UK has made this year the stakes do seem higher; and the voting does seem to be as political as ever. I really do feel the big four do themselves no favours by insisting on a free ride into the finals; it actually disadvantages our entries.

We shall see. Personally, I will be very happy with a respectable amount of votes. If we’re last again, or near the bottom, it will be a total tragedy and may lead to the UK leaving the competition.


Anyway, here once again are some of my favourite tweets from the second semi-final:

ewanspence Someone in the press room at #eurovision is wearing Brut 66... either that or Sakis has entered the stadium...

edwardclarke Natalia is just so gorgeous. Goodness, legs! Please lose Sergei #eurovision

edwardclarke When I die I want heaven to look like that stadium #eurovision

thoroughlygood I want to punch Alexander Rybak. #eurovision
edwardclarke Norway. Oh well. #eurovision
plastic_snowman Yay! Norway! #eurovision

thoroughlygood I don't like this from Slovakia. Sorry Slovakia. There's quite a lot of screaming. #eurovision
edwardclarke Audience looked stunned!!!! ha ha. Sorry and goodbye, Slovakia #eurovision

thoroughlygood Slovenia's song is quite possibly the most bizarre act in this year's #eurovision When will she start singing?
plastic_snowman When are Slovenia going to actually SING? #eurovision
edwardclarke Now, I've always thought they keep the singer in silhouette too long. I suppose the entro is *very* long #eurovision
thoroughlygood She's a screamer. #eurovision
edwardclarke Yikes! Earplugs to ready! #eurovision

thoroughlygood I work with someone who may well have had an intimate association with the present singer's current boyfriend.
edwardclarke@thoroughlygood My future husband!!

edwardclarke Here comes Ukraine - phoar! #eurovision
edwardclarke They're messing with my hormones!

thoroughlygood Loving you Estonia. Loving you. Well done you. You can go through. No question. No question at all. Bless yer. #eurovision
edwardclarke I like Estonia! #eurovision
thoroughlygood@edwardclarke Me too. She's a smasher isn't she. A smasher

ewanspence The Toppers - the reason why Europe does not have a sequin mountain #eurovision #twumpet #led
thoroughlygood This is the Dutch's Scooch moment. Forgive them Europe. I have even though it pains me to do so. #eurovision
plastic_snowman Words fail me. And I *live* in Holland. #eurovision
efan78: Shine's just great, Imagine your dad, dancing dressed in a disco ball, singing a Scooch song in style of Bee Gees! #Eurovision

thoroughlygood Thank God Mr Norton is doing this.... I am so looking forward to Saturday #eurovision

edwardclarke People of Europe: Please try to see past Hungary's costumes! #eurovision
plastic_snowman@edwardclarke Hungary's costumes is part of their charm.

zefrog is being a bad #gay (yet again). He is NOT watching #Eurovision #fb
edwardclarke@zefrog You're watching our tweets, though, hopefully? #theBNParetwats!!!! #eurovision

ewanspence Lines are closed now - and while they're being counted you have the delights of our hairspray hosts from Russia
thoroughlygood Cant that woman actually stand up on her own #eurovision?
edwardclarke@thoroughlygood - his horrible hands are giving me nightmares!
RedMummy Oh heck, the magic button again. Another opportunity for the Poison Dwarf to grope Cinderella. #eurovision
edwardclarke I hope Natalia is getting danger money for having to stand so close to Sergei. #eurovision

plastic_snowman No Russian Army thing? Aww. #eurovision

jhnolan Norway got my vote. It's a gesture of support for the ref in the Chelsea - Barca game as much as anything! #eurovision
thoroughlygood <sarcasm>What a surprise. Norway has gone through.</sarcasm>

edwardclarke Well done Russia - another fantastic evening! #eurovision See you on Saturday for Norway's coronation.

More Tweets:
Eurovision 2009 Semi Finals 1
Eurovision 2009 Finals

Russian Constructivism

Rodchenko and Popova: Defining Constructivism is on at Tate Modern until the 17th May. I have been twice but it’s been a challenge to review.

Constructivism’s tragedy was that the artists subsumed themselves totally in the bright hopeful dawn of the Russian Revolution - truly, they believed and strived for a better world for all, and their efforts were betrayed by Lenin and Stalin in favour of the aesthetic death of Soviet Realism. And Constructivism was then harshly suppressed. Artworks and artists were smuggled out to the west or hidden, or destroyed by Soviet apparatchiks.

However, like many revolutionaries the Constructivists lacked a sense of humour. Satire or playful social comment was beyond them; also, they consciously disowned as bourgeois the romantic notion of the artist as a revealer of deeper truths about the human condition. Instead, they explored industrial and theatrical design in the service of the Revolution.

Ironically, in that respect, they were pretty on message with Soviet Realism; they just expressed it in a thoroughly avant-garde style.

And their style has been profoundly influential - for example, London Underground’s fabric patterns are indebted to Constructivist examples. Also, contemporary typography and graphic design is built on Constructivist ideas.

The Tate has some excellent Constructivist theatrical set models. Exciting, as the magnificent stage in the Moscow 2009 Eurovision Song Contest, designed by the American John Casey, was based around the theme of the Russian avant-garde. (Ha! Bet you didn’t see where this was heading, did you?)

“He explained that "even before [he] worked with the Russians on the TEFI Awards in Moscow in 1998, [he] was inspired by and drawn to art from the Russian Avant Garde period, especially the constructivists... [He] tried to come up with a theatrical design for the contest that incorporates Russian avant-garde art into a contemporary setting, almost entirely made up of different types of LED screens." Casey explained that together, the various LED shapes which together form the finished product. Furthermore, large sections of the stage have the ability to move, including the circular central portion of curved LED screens which can be moved to effect and allows for each song to have a different feel.”

It’s great seeing Russia re-engage with its fantastic artistic heritage. I’m sure those pioneers would be gobsmacked by the magnificence of the set, if bemused and even appalled by its ideology.







The above two photos come from Ola Melzig's indispensable behind the scenes blog, Eurovisiondiary

live tweets from eurovision round 1

Good fun was had by all live tweeting the first round of the Eurovision Song Contest - here are some of my favourite tweets from last night:

miketd It's my time. It's my time. My moah-ment. I'm not gonna let go of it.

miketd No, I *shan't* be live-tweeting tonight's Eurovision semi-final. Please relax and enjoy your evenings.

thoroughlygood Oh .. sweet .. jesus ... #eurovision

owenblacker Happy 23rd birthday Alexander Rybak! *dribble* #esc

thoroughlygood OK .. I'm off to the kitchen to get the souffle ... I'm not keen on the Czech Republic's bloke in a cloak thing

slayton1991 get out of my life- montenegro..must admit im kinda loving it!!! just get outa my outa my outa my head!!

edwardclarke: Loving the set! #eurovision
zefrog@edwardclarke yeah but #theBNParetwats
zefrog aarrgh #theBNParetwats getting beaten by #eurovision !

thoroughlygood Loving Malena's dress. Loving it love. And adoring the low-key movements from the backing singers. Not quite so keen on the song. #eurov ...

edwardclarke: SOUND!!! For f****'s sake this is supposed to be #eurovision - excuse me while I plug in speakers . . .
j1s@edwardclarke what a nightmare if it actually is the music that sounds like that.

thoroughlygood I needn't have rushed in the bathroom. #eurovision

thoroughlygood Sweetest song sung by a little smasher. Thank you Portugal. You are allowed to pass through to the final (fingers crossed) #eurovision
edwardclarke: Is it bad of me to like this song? It's cute. #eurovision
slayton1991 Portugal for the win!!! #eurovision


thoroughlygood She's like a soothing bath, isn't she that Icelandic lady? But whats the dophin for ? #eurovision
edwardclarke Nice one, Iceland! #eurovision
slayton1991 Thanks God Iceland got thru!! wuda been a travesty!!

diamondgeezer *How* long is Eurovision this year? I remember when it was all over within a single bottle of wine.

thoroughlygood What are the people with the really big flags doing in the middle of the auditorium thing?
edwardclarke: Hmmm . . do you think there are Mossad plants in the audience, with flags? #eurovision

slayton1991 ah tatu!!!!!! love them. theyre not eben lesbians tho! how disappointing

owenblacker Good Lord. Have Tatu been at the borscht? #esc

Well done tweeples! See you all on Thursday for round 2.

[EDIT] Apologies - internet skills fail on first attempt, am reposting this manually now with style issues fixed.

More Tweets:
Eurovision 2009 Semi Finals 2
Eurovision 2009 Finals

Jade's got back up!

Every good Eurovision artist needs a reliable understudy.

The very charming Jon Jacobs of Thoroughly Good steps up to the mark:



Brilliant!

in which I (partially) eat my words

Jade has had her first rehearsal in Moscow - the video is up on the Eurovision.tv website



Have to say, even in rehearsal, it works well on stage. Also, it's very clear Jade Ewen has one of the best voices (if not the best) of the entire competition. Still not a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber's song, BUT it also works in the stadium format and the whole thing is helped by pretty classy production - the lighting design is great. Yeah, it is true we're going with a smoke machine and violins on stage (definitely this year's cliche). Nevertheless, I was quite surprised how positively I responded to this. Yikes! Mustn't become too invested in this!

*crossed fingers for Jade*

In other developments, a crazed costume designer ruins Zoli's chances. Boo. :-(



Zoli terms the costumes "a surprise". No shit Sherlock! - not a good one either!

Calling Zoli Ádok: It's not too late mate! The trackies/t-shirt look in the first rehearsal was HAWT! And you can't be that cruel to the girls. OMG! - Please put them out of their misery! Even dancing in their underwear would be better than this.



Tita: "Hello! I am one of the dancers!" Bless!

Eurovision is coming!

The final is on the 16th - Yay! All very exciting. One of the ironies is that while the ESC is the gayest event on the planet, the largely homophobic Eastern Europeans take it very seriously as a matter of macho national pride. Moscow especially is a very gay-intolerant city, and local activists have scheduled their pride event to run concurrently with the ESC. I'm feeling this could all end in tears. I hope the Russian authorities are mature about this.

Competitiion-wise, Hungary's Zoli Ádok's first rehearsal is worth watching. Zoli gets my douze points for his dance routine alone.



His official video has better sound, but I reckon his live routine is much better than the video. Keep that shirt off, Zoli.

Ok so who else? Sweden always seems to do a power-diva dinosaur-disco made-for-ESC number - this year's no different. Malena Ernman: Camp attack! The Swedish committee is definitely stuck in a bit of a rut. Nice dress, looks like they've left the wind machine behind this year though. Like the UK, Sweden actually has fantastic pop credibility which doesn't seem to exend as far as the ESC.

The favourites at this stage appear to be Norway's Alexander Ryback and Turkey's Hadise.



Norway's song is rubbish but Alexander is alarmingly cute and a good performer - he may just wing it on personal charm. It's funny how many of the acts this year have picked up on the violin action in 2008's winner Dima Bilan's performance. People: lightning doesn't strike in the same way twice! (However, Alex's cuteness is definitely more of a threat, AND he plays his own violin.)

Turkey's entry is attempting to buck the homoerotic tide with Hadise's sexy routine. She's undeniably gorgeous, and the song is fun, cute and utterly harmless. I hope she does well.

Finland's entry Lose Control by Waldo's People is pretty good too.

And us? What about the UK? Sadly, I just can't find the patriotism to get behind Andrew Lloyd Webber's terribly dreary dirge "It's My Time". When Lloyd Webber is bad he is truly awful. Poor Jade Ewen, a lovely girl and a good singer, tries her best to carry this crud but the task is simply impossible.

Props to the UK for trying a different approach, and Andrew Lloyd Webber has magnificent balls to put himself at such risk of embarrassing failure - especially in a contest as corrupt and political as ESC. I don't like the way he gracelessly dissed our previous entries: he's definitely riding for a fall.

Let's face it, when you look at the crap that wins we're at the bottom due to political factors:

1) It is very clear Europeans like voting for their neighbours regardless of the song's quality;

2) Europe has not forgiven us for Iraq;

3) The UK's music scene is the best in the world. It's obvious people will want to take us down a peg or two;

4) The four countries which pay for Eurovision get into the finals automatically. To ordinary voters in other European countries which have to compete at all levels, this must look unfair and therefore they vote against us: none of the big four do well, ever.

5) The vast majority of UK music acts prefer not to run the risk of looking bad, so we tend to send second-tier stuff and worse, stuff that we think will do well in Eurovision.

6) None of this really matters; win or lose the UK is only here for the laughs anyway. The Europeans can sense that and don't like being laughed at! - and vote accordingly. Terry Wogan, although utterly brilliant, really dragged us down voting-wise. It was probably worth it, though.

I don't think the ESC plan to bring back jury voting will work: it didn't before, so why now?

A total rethink of the entire competition is in order. I think we should run the competition like the Football: countries go into a draw for various groups; each group then has its own winner (perhaps voted by countries outside of that group), with the group winners going forward to the finals, voted by everyone. That should help disrupt political voting at least. We can but dream.

"Isn't Eurovision about like dancing turkeys and transexuals dressed as pirates?"
- Youtube commenter

[EDIT] Update - just noticed (14/5/09) a spelling error - Alexander's name is spelled "Alexander Rybak" - I'm leaving it uncorrected above because I'm getting hits on the misspelling! Mustn't miss those!

[EDIT] BBC CHARTBLOG: "OMG you will not believe this, right, but according to a TV show I watched over the weekend, 'Fairytale' is officially the best song in the whole of Europe."

fuck you

Lily Allen's song has been drafted into the USA's culture wars - this rather brilliant, joyous and liberating fan video has been popping up all over. Very well done, very good (Warning: about every second word in the song is 'fuck'):



Maybe Lily should adopt this as her official video? - Crowd-sourcing pop videos! How radical!

Oh No! Not Piglet!

Palladio at the Royal Academy

S. Giorgio Maggiore is the only building by Palladio I've been in, I think - although he did design other buildings in Venice. Its an extraordinary church, I was deeply impressed with his architectural usage of entasis - subtle curving - which enlivens the space. Working as he did from ancient Roman sources, I did not expect to see such an advanced grasp of the classical Greek aproach.

My friend Karen and I have planned for the longest time a trip to view the Palladian villas in the Veneto - I', very glad t=for the recent RA exhibition, which has re-ignited this ambition. I really enjoyed the mix of portraits and paitings, architectural models, artifacts, photographs and original plans and drawings. They even had digital constructions of Palladio's unrealised projects. Completely fascinating.

Artichoke Soup (or, Things to Do with Scallops)

In an impulse of curiosity, desiring to widen the culinary horizons, I purchased a pack of Jerusalem artichokes from Sainsbury’s. I think I last ate these at least ten years ago.

I also thought they were a good credit crunch option.

I consulted my recipe books. I hit gold in Simon Hopkinson’s “Roast Chicken and Other Stories”: Scallop and Artichoke Soup.

Now, scallops are definitely not credit crunch material - however, the project suddenly developed into a treat to boost the animal spirits in a recession! ;-)

Scallops would feature in my top three edible favourites; I would choose them as my last meal. I don’t think they are available in South Africa - the first time I ate a scallop was on a visit to my cousins in Vancouver. Instant heaven; the highlight of the trip!

Since then, I have eaten them whenever and wherever:from the deeply luxurious and classic French Scallops au gratin at Marco Pierre White’s Mirabelle Restaurant to the new Brit classic from Kensington Place, Grilled Scallops with Pea purée and mint vinaigrette.

Nigel Slater has a recipe where you wrap the individual scallops in bacon strips, dust down with parmesan shavings and grill. Yum!

But recently my fave scallop recipe has been Nigella Lawson’s Scallops and chorizo from Nigella Express - this counts as so fast and simple it’s hardly a recipe! - but soooo spectacularly delicious. Just chuck some chorizo slices in a pan, fry to release the oils, chuck the scallops in until cooked (timing is all; don’t over fry - literally a couple of minutes; just until the scallops are opaque); then toss with lemon juice and chopped parsley.

The salty, meaty chewiness of the chorizo sets off the subtle smooth sweetness of the scallops; and the lemon and parsely take the edge off the richness of the dish. Possibly this is my last meal request, and it’s so fast I might be able to have it twice in one sitting!

Back to Simon Hopkinson’s soup recipe. I don’t think you can go wrong with scallops. Ok, maybe not with chocolate.

The artichoke soup recipe trends in the opposite direction to Nigel’s and Nigella’s - instead of contrast it works on complementaries: piling one kind of semi-savoury sweetness on another.

The artichokes have a subtle, rich, complex flavour of their own. The soup is your classic French butter, milk and cream concoction (enriched with fish stock, onion, bay leaf and thyme). The artichokes are blended and strained to velvety smoothness and then the poached scallops are added. Parsley and croutons for garnish. Fab.U.Lous.



Maybe my last meal could be the artichoke soup to start and the chorizo and scallops for the main course?

a trip to St Peter's, Cambridge

St Peter's, Cambridge has been around for a very long time, but the local community was slightly too ambitious when they came to build it: almost from the start it seems it was too large for the community to afford upkeep. The church was downsized (literally) in the 18th-century, but still fell into decay and neglect. When Jim Ede created Kettle's Yard, he also set about renovating and saving this church. It is now deconsecrated.

The doorway is Norman (11th, early 12th century). The inner column on the left is an 18th-century wooden replacement for the lost original. The church walls were built out of reclaimed rubble - the red bricks visible in the lower right are actually reclaimed roof tiles from ancient Roman buildings in the vicinity - the Roman fortress is nearby.



One can borrow the key to the church from the desk at Kettle's Yard and enter the tiny church.



St Peter's 11th/early 12th--century font has 'mermen' carved in each corner. Not a classic Christian motif; unless perhaps they are referring to fish imagery.

This is apparently the oldest surviving baptismal font in Cambridge.



Close-ups of the font carvings - these have seen almost 1000 years of babies being christened . . .





Jim Ede was a 20th-century aesthete, apparently the first modern art curator at the Tate, and the creator of Kettle's Yard in Cambridge: he transformed four cottages into an extraordinary space; a showcase for his modern art collection. He donated the whole thing to the University of Cambridge, and to this day it remains a remarkable ensemble of classic English craftsmanship and high modernist aesthetics. There is a memorial tablet to him in the church he helped save.



"It is salutary that in a world rocked by greed, misunderstanding and fear, with the imminence of collapse into unbelievable horrors, it is still possible and justifiable to find important the exact placement of two pebbles."

~ Jim Ede, A Way of Life: Kettle’s Yard, 1984

Springtime in Clapham - part 2

Strange fruits . . .

Springtime in Clapham

I love the horse chestnut flower spikes!

Sex and the City (not)

"If you believe you are born gay, you are forced to be tolerant. But if you bring in choices, it changes everything."

It is this ominous quote from Joe Nicolosi, speaker at the recent “Gay Cure” conference ¹, which seems to me to most clearly and succinctly delineate his bigotry.

Of course, people are born gay and as law-abiding citizens we deserve acceptance and equal rights. But, say - completely hypothetically speaking - if homosexuality was a choice, why does Dr Nicolosi think “it changes everything”? Again, as a free, autonomous and law-abiding citizen, I would expect society to respect my free choice to love whoever I want. Nicolosi has no right at all to judge me or intervene in any way in how I choose to live my life lawfully in a free society, especially over a choice which has no impact on him whatsoever.²

The ex-gay brigade’s failures of logic are just astonishing. If homosexuality is a ‘choice’, why does there need to be such a large and activist “reparative” industry to “change” people’s “choices”? ~ and what about the gay penguins, flamingos, bonobos and the 1000s of other animal species demonstrated to evince homosexuality quite naturally? How do they fit into his ridiculous, completely outdated and discredited Freudian ideas of how gayness comes about?

The tragedy is this flim-flam only appeals to vulnerable gay people and their families, desperate out of fear and ignorance to clutch at any straw. Words like “reparative”, “choice” and “healing” completely disguise what their “therapy” really is: brainwashing and mental bludgeoning, forcing internal repression and the simulated appearance of heterosexuality. Underlying same-sex orientation and desire does not change, it is merely suppressed. The unfortunate victim of this “therapy” lives a zombie half-life, desperately trying to convince everyone, including themselves, they are straight, until they have some kind of breakdown. The established psychiatric opinion is that there is no scientific evidence reparative therapy succeeds in its objectives, and in fact it has the potential to do tremendous damage to the patient and their family.

So for Heaven’s sake, Dr Nicolosi, let my people go!

¹ Zefrog organized a well-attended protest outside this conference.
² Apart from destroying the rationale behind his business, of course.

One & Other

Ok - I've signed up for a chance to be a statue! In the terms and conditions it says I have to abide by copyright law. I hope this doesn't mean that if I'm accepted I will become ⓒ Antony Gormley.

Imagine hobnobbing with Nelson in Trafalgar Square! Good luck to me!

plus ça change

My head, heart and stomach are still heaving from this morning’s Guardian news. Although cynical to my bones, even I thought the Grauniad was pushing it a bit when they highlighted the first Tomlinson pathologist’s questionable record. Well, now they look like they were bang on the nail. The new pathologist’s finding that death was caused by “abdominal bleeding” makes this a clear-cut case of manslaughter. But as always the lying and the failed spin do the most damage to the Met’s reputation. And the IPCC’s actions do not inspire confidence either.

So, since my last post in this here website thingy, the story has developed as follows:

1) The police “heroically” “come to the aid” of a dying “heart-attack” victim, under a “barrage” of bottles/bricks^*/intercontinental ballistic missiles^** (delete as necessary) thrown by a “crazed mob” of “rioting” protesters.

2) A balaclaved riot policeman callously and brutally attacks an innocent bystander from behind in full view of his colleagues, who do nothing to intervene or assist the victim. The victim dies minutes later from the injuries sustained.

The Guardian’s video footage of the attack was the crucial evidence moving the story on from (1) to (2), cutting though the IPCC’s apparent failure to take protesters’ evidence seriously. By now it is very clear the protesters evidence is far more credible than that of the police and IPCC (“no CCTV cameras in the area”).

Ironically the Guardian’s footage is probably illegal under section 76 of the Counter-Terrorism Act 2008 (and 58A of the 2000 Act). The public’s right to identify individual policemen is absolutely crucial, and arguably this includes the right to photograph them should they - as is apparent in the G20 police action - choose to disguise their identities by covering their faces and number badges. The rules regarding photography of police officers need to be repealed urgently.

^*The “bricks” claim was made on the day of Ian Tomlinson’s death by the Evening Standard. They have since deleted this claim from their website (video evidence shows one plastic water bottle thrown, by someone possibly unaware there was a medical emergency). Ian Tomlinson was a newspaper vendor for the Evening Standard.

^** Making things up is fun!

police brutality

The Guardian has put the video up on You Tube and invited people to repost it, so here it is. It's absolutely great that it exists, because it clearly shows the violence perpetrated on Mr Tomlinson was completely unprovoked, and exposes the lies that emerged in the media immediately after the G20 protest last week.

Very similarly to the Jean Charles de Menezes case - downright lies are disseminated about the victim first, only for the truth to come dribbling out later.

Except in this case, we have corrective video evidence, the best kind. It will be hard for them to spin this, and even the Home Secretary is talking about criminal investigations.

I suspect this will be the last case of its kind. Anti-terror law now forbids the photography of police officers pursuing the course of their duties. Expect this law to be ruthlessly enforced at the next protest. We really are becoming a police state.

Byzantium at the Royal Academy

Once again, I broke my rule of never going on the last day . . . but forgot about this one until Catriona reminded me and we caught it on the final Saturday.

Byzantium is wonderfully exotic - a heritage we in Western Europe share only though a distant kinship at best; it feels exotic, romantic, rich and strange. I studied the Byzantines in history of art, and we concentrated particularly on architecture, one of the glories of Byzantine culture and the most obvious of their developments away from the Roman tradition. The Byzantine Church developed a total aesthetic which aimed to immerse the worshipper in an all-pervading religious atmosphere, and the RA exhibition did not really go anywhere near getting this across.

Architecture was pretty much ignored; instead we had loads and loads of Byzantine bits and pieces, separated out into categories of object. Much of this was quite spectacular - the quality of the items was superb - but the whole unfortunately was less than the sum of the parts.

Part of this was the unfortunate queueing system imposed by having a series of display cases lined up with tiny objects and tinier and hard-to-read labels. There was a lot of amazing bling, but all small scale. The largest piece was a tiered hanging candelabra from Munich - about 25 feet in diameter and greater in height. This was in the entrance to the show and that was that.

That candelabra would have lit an ambiguously vaulted space crowded with glittering mosaics - mosaics specially angled to catch and refract the light. There would have been incense burners and gorgeous chanting choirs to bathe all the senses. It would have been amazing. The show completely lacked that sort of excitement.

The British Museum’s latest shows have used multimedia to great effect, and I don’t see why the RA couldn’t have done the same here. I think the subject was crying out for it - and a video screen or two surely can’t be so expensive? As it was, a very worthy effort, but it felt slightly dated in its presentation.

a walk on the common

The Gerhard Richter on my wall . . .

Van Dyck at Tate Britain

“This sumptuous exhibition brings together some of the most magnificent paintings by Belgian-born painter Sir Anthony van Dyck, startlingly portraying many of the leading characters of the Stuart period.” - the advertising hook for the Tate’s current Van Dyck exhibition.

I disagree. The Tate’s Van Dyck exhibition is slghtly underwhelming - it feels almost provisional, as if it was hastily arranged in celebration of the Tate’s recent acquisition of Rubens’s Banqueting Hall sketch. Rubens being Van Dyck’s master and Van Dyck being thus partly the reason for the national collection of British art buying a foreign artist’s work. The Royal Academy had a Van Dyck show relatively recently, and it truly felt sumptuous - this one perhaps is missing too many of the great Royal pieces, concentrating mostly on the court paintings (and some of those overfamiliar, from the National Gallery and even another outing for two paintings the Tate showed last year in the Orientalism show, of Charles I’s ambassador to Persia and his wife (hung on the opposite wall in this one). The show never seems to come to a considered argument about the artist’s work - it just hangs what it can on the walls and ‘celebrates’.

A room focussing on the painter’s private life - his wife and mistress - is the highlight. The last couple of rooms chronicle Van Dyck’s posthumous influence, and seem to suggest that any old portrait painted in Britain in the last few centuries was somehow indebted to Van Dyck, filling the walls as it does with random examples of same. Weak and unconvincing.

I was fascinated by ladies fashions as displayed in the portraits. All the men seem individuated, but all the women conform to a very strict type. They all wear double-drop pearl ear rings and a single rope of pearls. They all wear their hair in very tight ringlets around the face.

Does this truly reflect the fashion of the time? If so, it remained remarkably stable throughout Van Dyck’s career (and into the careers of his immediate followers) - unlike the contemporary fashions for men. I can’t quite believe this. Could it be that this was simply the way he chose to portray women? - and that he had a pair of prop ear rings and a pearl necklace hanging around his studio? Weird.

the miracles of modern technology

I. Want. An. Apple. iPhone. Now!!!!

Wild Things

You must take a look at the Italian photographer Giacomo Brunelli’s site. His use of monochrome is gorgeous; but his retro technique (analogue photos taken on a 1968 Miranda Sensomat camera) is at the service of an original eye for the wildness of the domestic pet. Lush, romantic, sometimes sentimental - but with an edge of animal violence and unknowability. LOLcats these are not. Considering the technique, astonishing captures of fugitive moments.

via Andrew Sullivan and Creative Review.

I spy with my little eye . . .

Yay for the vernal equinox! - Spring is busting out all over on Clapham Common, with sun-happy commoners soaking up the rays. Hard to believe just weeks ago we were all frolicking in the snow. I’m just back from a quick sortie to Sainsbury’s to pick up some fruit (just off a stressed 36 hours) and the Guardian. Just enough time to share some blog love with you all before heading off to the Royal Academy to meet Catriona and the Byzantines.

Guess who I saw in Sainbury’s?? Vivienne Westwood, that’s who!!! Amazing! Of course always knew La Westwood lived in Clapham but never in a million gazillion years did I think I would bump into her at Sainsbury’s. She was buying flowers and lots of fruit and vegetables. She was reusing shopping bags!

She was wearing a rather gorgeous lime green coat, and had beautiful glasses (own brand? - couldn’t tell). I pass over her footwear in silence.

Yep, unfortunately I spent my time in the queue scoping her out (I hope relatively discreetly) - I did however manage to refrain from asking for her autograph or a mobile phone photo.