. Well this year’s Eurovision wasn’t all bad - in fact, Good Luck alert! I won some wireless Sennheiser headphones in Acediscovery’sEurovision competition. To enter you had to guess the winning score (not the winner). Just as well I am better at predicting scores than guessing winners. My favourites Sweden failed to qualify.
They arrived this morning (the headphones, that is, not Sweden) and I plugged them in immediately. Totally enjoying the freedom of moving around the flat untethered by cables.
Last night’s Eurovision Final in Oslo was a great success and huge fun. I was thrilled that Germany won - a really encouraging result, showing the big four are still capable of winning if they have a good song (and also encouraging because it was a good song - we’re not being overwhelmed by shlock).
Here is my digest of best bits and tweets.
diamondgeezer Eurovision only takes up 0.09% of a year. It feels so much longer.
edwardclarkeWoo hoo! We're live in Oslo! #esc #eurovision
charltonbrooker Is it me or does the slight echo on Norton's voice make it sound like he's narrating from beyond the grave? #eurovision
efan78 Did Graham just say "Euro-Camp", is there any other type? #eurovision
guy_interruptd OH MY FUCKING GOD! MY ENTIRE TWITTER STREAM HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY FUCKING EUROVISION!
1Azerbaijan Safura Drip Drop
wolfstar_de Azerbaijan's entry is a cheapo Beyonce/Alicia Keys/Leona power-ballad clone in 3/4, except without the charisma. It's dull as ditchwater.
Tonight’s Eurovision Song Contest final will be interesting, I think. Somehow I doubt there will be a clear cut winner in the manner of last year; there are too many good songs in too many styles. All of the bookie’s favourites will divide the voters, I think, and the voters and juries will be all at odds too.
I think the one dead certainty is that neither the voters nor the juries will vote for the UK’s entry! Will we score nul points once again or will we get a pity vote from Ireland?
My friend Ethan says it tempts fate to publish your favourites but here goes. I don’t have a firm definite favourite but I would be very happy if the overall winner emerged from this group:
France Jessy Matador - Allez olla olé
Belgium Tom Dice - Me and My Guitar
Greece Giorgos Alkaios & Friends - OPA
Iceland Hera Björk - Je ne sais quoi
Albania Juliana Pasha - It’s All About You
Ireland Niamh Kavanagh - It’s For You
Germany Lena - Satellite
I hope I haven’t jinxed their chances! We shall see tonight.
Five countries qualify automatically for the finals: the Big Four consisting of France, Germany, Spain and the UK; and the host country and last year's winner, Norway. The reason is these are the countries that bear a disproportionate share of the costs of mounting the competition, and if they weren't in the finals they would have major problems with their home audiences.
However, because the Eurovision Contest is democratically decided by voting I think this arrangement disadvantages these five countries: firstly because they are automatic qualifiers they tend to miss out on most of the build-up buzz and speculation; and secondly because voters in the competing countries must resent this easy ride for songs they may feel are inferior (and sometimes are!)
So how do the big four (and Noway!) shape up this year? Here's what I think.
Germany
Lena has scored a huge hit in Germany with her song Satellite and is one of the favourites to win. I think it's definitely a strong contender, but the somewhat sophisticated song and performance may leave some European voters cold. It has grown on me, I quite like it now and wouldn't be sorry if it does win, but feel it unlikely.
Spain
Daniel Diges' song Algo Pequeñito has also grown on me a little but I don't think it's a winner. It's definitely better than the UK's, however.
France
I'm pretty hot on Jessy Matador's Allez Olla Olé - a fantastic stomping dance tune for the summer; makes me happy every time I hear it.
Norway
Didrik Solli-Tangen's My Heart Is Yours is the quintessential Eurovision package - a slow crescendo in structure, featuring a pretty melody and prettier singer. It could do well.
UK
Words cannot express the sadness. Poor Josh Dubovie - the BBC's sacrificial victim. I hope his career survives this disaster. This definitely does not sound good to me.
Bloody Hell! I didn’t see that coming! Anna Berghendahl’s This is my Life was my favourite to win the whole competition! Clearly it’s a mistake to overestimate the taste of the European public.
jonwillchambers: The last time Sweden were absent from a #Eurovision final? 1976.
jonwillchambers: How much are those fated Swedish #Eurovision glow-sticks worth on eBay? Hope they're recyclable.
edwardclarke@efan78 How can SWEDEN go out??! Abba must be spinning in their graves! #esc #eurovision
edwardclarke: Message to Sweden: I *do* know Abba is still alive. I was being *ironic*. I share your pain in falling out of Eurovision. #esc
Seriously, this does make me fear for the future creative direction of the competition. For Pete’s sake, Azerbaijan went through - I suppose it is one of the bookie’s favourites - a dreary dull song in my opinion. The Azerbaijanese have gone all out to win this year, hiring Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies choreographer. Pity they didn’t watch the recent Channel 4 programme on the best 100 pop videos of all time: they would have learnt that Beyonce’s dance routine was copied step-for-step, shimmy-for-shimmy from Gwen Verdon's Mexican Breakfast from The Ed Sullivan Show (1969). Here is Azerbaijan's Drip Drop, sung with joyless intensity by Safura:
While Sweden may have had the most musically sophisticated song of the evening, The Netherlands were very brave with a retro-tastic little diity by the creator of the Smurfs, sung by Sieneke. Again, creative daring divided the audience:
justgarance: Oh. No. We're up. #eurovision. Get your earplugs.
AngryBritain: The Netherlands: Your song roughly translates as 'There are some fucking excellent drugs available in Amsterdam' #eurovision
thoroughlygood: OK .. Look I'm really sorry about this .. but I actually quite like this. Is that bad ? #netherlands #eurovision #esc
edwardclarke: Me too! :-) RT @efan78: Yay! Shakin' Stevens' Dutch cousin! I like this one, it's very retro-#Eurovision
_irissa_: Dear other people in Europe. We’re sorry for sending Sieneke. We didn’t want to send her, but Papa Smurf made us. #songfestival #eurovision
Armenia Israel Denmark Azerbaijan Ukraine Romania Ireland Cyprus Georgia Turkey
For me, Ireland (Niamh Kavanagh: It's for you) is the clear best out of the above. Most surprisingly improved in performance was Georgia - Shine sung by Sofia Nizharadze was heartfelt and charming. Cyprus appears to be a stealth UK entry (sung by a boy from Wales - Jon Lilygreen & The Islanders: Life Looks Better in Spring) - it actually stands a better chance than our official entry!
thoroughlygood: PLEASE DON'T CALL NOW .. YOU'LL CAUSE A RIFT IN THE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM. CHILDREN WILL DIE. #eurovision #esc
orbyn: These tweets almost make me wish I were watching Eurovision. Almost.
Clapham Omnibus will be providing a digest of the most outstanding moments of the Eurovision festival and Eurovision tweets too, as we head towards the big final this Saturday.
Oslo put on a great show last night for the first semi-final, and excitement levels ran high as the contestants took to the stage.
bbceurovision: WAKEY WAKEY! Guess what day it is? YES! Eurovision Semi-final #1 day! Excitement levels building!!!
bbceurovision: Breaking news: Eurovision stadium hit by freak tornado, merchandise tent blown down
Greece, Portugal, Bosnia-Hercegovina, Serbia, Albania, Moldova, Belarus, Russia and Belgium were the lucky countries voted through to the finals last night. The last 10 finalists will be picked from Thursday’s second semi-final in Norway (in which the UK will be able to vote). The UK, Germany, France, Spain and Norway automatically qualify for the finals.
Tom Dice's Me and My Guitar is Belgium's first entrant to reach the final since 2004, a very lovely song and performance and surely one to put an outside bet on winning Eurovision 2010.
Malta, FYR Macedonia, Estonia, Latvia, Poland, Finland and Slovakia missed out on a spot in the final.
stigblog: FYROM is my favourite name for a country in the whole world. #Eurovision
Latvia (Aisha: What For? ) was the clear disaster of the night (the BBC announcer Paddy O’Connell compared her singing quite accurately to root canal work) - a case of the song being considerably better than the singer (perhaps she’s related to the Latvian TV bosses, one wonders?)
neonbubble: You can always compensate for a bad song with a great outfit. So... Latvia won't be going through then. #esc #eurovision
Dinzla: I had no idea Latvia was so flat.. #ESC Eurovision
krdr: They even f*ckd up her ala Britney Spears make-up. Latvia on #ESC
Otherwise, I’m sad Malta and Slovakia never made it - Malta’s act (Thea Garrett: My Dream) featured a spectacular glittery bird-man who emerged from the singer’s dress.
misterebby: Malta has wings coming out of her ass! #eurovision
Squibby_: Jesus, her sanitary towel's wings have a mind of their own. #eurovision
Squibby_: Is it a bird? Is it a geeza? No, it's superfaggot. #eurovision
efan78: Gah! That Bird man's even scarier close up! #Eurovision
I was previously dubious about Greece’s blatant attempt to sex up their (quite good) modern faux-folk ditty OPA, but have to admit they pulled it off and Giorgos Alkaios & (his new, sexier) Friends put in one of the most outstanding performances of the evening.
spyros: Opa Opa Opa!!! #eurovision on my 3rd pint of Murphy's. Everything sounds so much better now
MacPsych: Greece: why do I feel like I've just wandered into the Admiral Duncan? #eurovision
justgarance If Greece work "whoppa!" in at least two more times, they've got a fan. #eurovision
The most surprisingly improved performance of the evening was Portugal’s. The song (Há Dias Assim) is still a bit of stretch for me, but was given a superb production and heartfelt singing from the very lovely Filipa Azevedo.
toomuchroom: Ooh Portugal has a pair of lungs on her! #esc
Karmapriya: Miss Portugal is pretty like a princess & sings well. But another booooring song! #eurovision #esc
efan78: Dear Jim, please could you fix it for me to be a fake Mariah Carey? Love & Kisses Portugal xxx #Eurovision
I was thrilled that my favourite Albania (Juliana Pasha: It’s All About You) went through.
stigblog: Check out the violinist's hair!! Albanian fashion FTW! #Eurovision
But the undoubted hit of the night was Iceland’s Hera Björk and her soaring dance anthem Je Ne Sais Quoi : absolutely storming, and given a well-deserved standing ovation by the crowd.
Soeno: I wonder if the #ashcloud will affect Iceland's #eurovision chances.
AngryBritain: Iceland: Your song roughly translates as 'Mess with us and we'll fuck you with a Volcano' #eurovision
Soeno: Liking Iceland's diva at #eurovision... She's very... voluptuous. And she can SING. LOUD.
i_is_sam: Everyone who can vote for Iceland. Look at her rack! It's pure europop and her tits are fabulous! What more could you want?
AttitudeMag: We're not sure but Iceland might be going for the gay vote here. #eurovision
misterebby: Dana International's successor is this Icelandic entry. It's 100% awesome homo-dance-pop. Definitely should be top 5. #eurovision.
Squibby_: All the gays love a fat diva #eurovision
Greece and Sweden also chose their Eurovision Song Contest entries this weekend. Interestingly, both countries seem to be deviating from their usual ESC parameters.
Greece usually sends in an über-sexy glamour hunk, all white teeth and pecs, pumping away to a hi-energy beat. Surprisingly they have gone folksy-modern this year with George Alkeos & Friends (OPA)
This is a brave choice and it works for me. It’s kind-of an updated Zorba’s dance for the 2010s, and it just might have the crossover appeal of the original. Nicely played Greece.
Sweden has also been wedded to a high-energy disco beat in recent years (the delectable Malena Ernman’s opera-meets-trance La Voix probably represented the end of the road for this line of attack ). This year they’ve gone all geeky girl ballad with the lovely Anna Bergendahl singing This is my Life, complete with now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t geeky guitar.
Many commentators have noted the preponderance of ballads in ESC this year, and I wonder if this is the influence of the UK’s entry last year? Were we tragically one year too early with our ballad? Anna’s song is actually almost a paraphrase of Jade’s This is My Time.
But Anna has a beautiful and distinctive voice, and will appeal to both genders (that geek girl vibe cleverly taking the edge off the potentially intimidating Swedish physical perfection).
Anna gives the song her all - a performance incandescent with authentic emotion, taking the ballad into a whole new dimension. This is what Josh desperately needs to do with the UK entry.
Even at this early stage Sweden has captured my heart and I think Anna is the one to beat.
Never in the field of human tweeting has there been such unanimity. Eurovision fans in the UK hate our entry to the Eurovision Song Contest this year, as a quick perusal of the #ycny hash tag on twitter reveals.
@davidschneider: Just tuned in to Your Country Needs You To Stop Singing Now. Oh dear. #ycny
In the last couple of years, the BBC has pursued a policy of getting major stars to write the song, and letting the public vote on who the performer is. It’s actually quite patronising, as it implies the public can’t recognise a good song when they hear it - our overlords at the BBC have to choose the ‘great’ song for us, and us plebs get to choose the pretty face who sings it.
Last year’s entry by Andrew Lloyd Webber sung by Jade Ewan seemed to justify this approach, with the UK getting its highest placing for years in Moscow.
But last night showed the downside - Pete Waterman was huge in his day but that day is not today (and frankly, does he really have the name recognition of Lloyd Webber in Euroland anyway?) Unfortunately both the song and its musical arrangement sound like they were B-side rejects for some Stock Aiken and Waterman act back in the late 80s. I truly feel sorry for Josh Dubovie, the talented 19-year old who has to perform it in Oslo.
It would be great if the BBC could recognise its mistake and drop the song, but that isn’t going to happen. What they need to do to mitigate damage is the following:
1) Let some hip musical maestro loose on the arrangement to make it more credible (calling you, Mark Ronson).
2) Work on Josh’s delivery - he’s a good singer and a truly innovative attack on the vocalisation of this tune might make a difference.
3) Teach Josh to dance - or failing that, even move gracefully. It’s his weak spot.
4) Josh is an appealing chap with a great smile. They have to get that microphone out of his face.
They have to capitalise on Josh as far as they are able and blatantly pander to the teenybopper Euro girl demographic because he’s the best thing about the UK entry, and might possibly save us from total annihilation.
