All Night London

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The summer solstice always leaves me melancholy - it's the longest day of the year, and although we still have glorious months of summer ahead of us, the light starts to fade and immediately I notice. We're on the downward slope! Ironically, even though I am darkness-phobic I get incredibly cheered at the winter solstice for the opposite reason: the days start getting longer. I swear I can tell the difference a week after. My friend Lesley and I are crazily ecstatic in January and February, noticing the days lengthening.

Anyway, I've not done anything to celebrate the summer solstice particularly before. I would like to do the bike ride to Primrose Hill some time, but this year I went on an "All Night London" photo walk with members of the London flickr meetup group. It was hugely fun and really helped me develop my nighttime photography skills.







The full shoot can be seen on my flickr stream.

Star Trek

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Back in a parallel time stream, before I was engrossed in recent events, I saw Star Trek!

I thought it was pretty good. In fact, it’s terrific. I’m not a proper Star Trek fan - this is the first movie I’ve seen -but I did enjoy watching reruns of the original series on tv as a child.

This film recreates the original characters extraordinarily well - both Chris Pine as James T. Kirk and Zachary Quinto as Spock are sensational in their re-embodiments of Shatner’s and Nimoy’s iconic performances while at the same time moving the characters into new territory. And that’s pretty much what the entire movie does, and does so excellently.

But, that is also a problem. The original Star Trek wasn’t a wham bang rollicking adventure blockbuster with state-of-the-art special effects and highly expensive cinematography. And while the philosophizing social conscience is still in evidence - vestigially - this is mostly about the thrills. A part of me mourns that.

kittens - fur realz!

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Oh the glorious random fun of the internet. I linked to a live stream of these kittens last month - since then, I’ve been in contact with the owners and they invited me to visit to take my own pics! That was great fun - they are literally little furry bundles of joy (the kitties, that is, not the owners, although are perfectly lovely too). Here is the documentary proof of cuteness in north London.










Sookie and the kittens belong to Mojen and Owen Blacker. Watch kittens live on Ustream and read about their adventures on their blog. One of the kittens has a twitter account: follow @grabbity.

The full set on pics can be seen on my flickr stream.

Google - a modest request :-)

Haven’t posted about stats for ages - Wait! - don’t all leave at once!! I’ll be brief.

This here website thingy is my little hobby blog, my window on the world, my place to spout stuff. I’m on the top deck of the Clapham Omnibus, opining on everything that passes through my little brain.

It’s quite fun to see what brings people to my blog.

In the last few months, I have noticed a massive upsurge in hits. I’m getting literally tens of hits every day. Partially, this was accounted for by my Eurovision coverage, but there was more to it than that . . .

Researching further, I discover that the massively vast majority of people are landing on this page . And strangely enough, I find that the great god Google itself posts Clapham Omnibus as the first source for images of Pink Floyd’s classic album Animals. Huh? Ahead of the band’s own website? Just weird.

And who would have thought that there are so many people googling that every day??!

The problem is, hits for this are completely swamping hits for other things, so much so it’s difficult to see them. So please, Google, de-rank me or something!


OKTHNXBYE!! xx

cooking and tweeting is so competitive!

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Last month Anton Edelman awarded my summer pudding first prize in Nickie Philbin’s Twitter tweet cookoff. Would Clapham’s own top chef, Adam Byatt of Trinity, award me a prize as well, this time for my own choice of theme - “summer tart” ? (no sniggering at the back there!)

I chose as my entry Nigella Lawson’s Nectarine and Blueberry Galette from her Nigella Express book. I chose this because:

1) I have made it before and it’s bloody brilliant, as well as easy and quick.

2) It’s a tart with amazing colour and texture and photographs well (never underestimate the power of visuals, especially in a photographic based competition).

Well. I sabotaged myself immediately when I foolishly picked up frozen shortcrust pastry from Sainsbury’s instead of Nigella’s specified puff pastry. By the time I started cooking, it was too late to correct the error (shortcrust I can actually make; puff? - forget it, especially in the time constraints of the competition deadline).

I thought I could recover my error by skillfully edited photography and keeping mum. Ha. Not mum enough - I tweeted (privately, I thought) a pic of the sad remains of my ‘galette’ to a friend - this was immediately picked up by Maggie Philbin and my game was up! - even her mother commented:



maggiephilbin@edwardclarke: This is v. poor Edward. My 88 yr old Mum now sitting next to me and saying " Pastry is key" "You are nowhere without pastry"

maggiephilbin@edwardclarke: Ruined! Your reputation is in SHREDS. Did you remove bread from #summerpudding without eating?



Well, what would Chef think? Adam Byatt checks out our entries below:



It was so exciting having a behind-the-scenes look at the workings of a top restaurant as they prepped for Sunday lunch service. Sunday is huge for Trinity - their location just opposite the Common is just perfect for Sunday lunch, and the restaurant has a fantastic set lunch menu of three courses for £25 per person. For large lunch parties they will even cook joints especially for you if you order in advance. Heading up to lunch the weather was gorgeous, and all of Trinity’s large windows were thrown open to the Common.

Adam was amazing giving his time to judge the competition at such a busy and important time, but he seemed cool calm and focussed, as did his staff who were working smoothly and efficiently around him. A well oiled machine indeed.

He immediately clocked I used the wrong pastry, even from pics with the pastry (almost) edited out! I was hugely impressed at his preternatural skill in picking up the most subtle clues from our amateur photos about the cooking process - even down to oven temperatures!

Reviewing Adam’s comments on the finalists, it is clear that he totally agrees with Maggie’s mum regards the fundamental importance of pastry.


@EdwardClarke - Nectarine & blueberry galette

"Great tart to make with puff not shortcrust pastry. Dock pastry. Nice photos"




@Annraulston - (strawberry, raspberry' blueberry, blackberry glazed tart)  (1st Prize)

"Good pastry, good presentation. Looks well executed and most importantly…inviting"




@ruskin147 (lime tart)

"Significantly overcooked - pastry too short & a little over browned, aerated custard mix. Top tip: never whisk filling before baking"




@stu_art_ist  orange and oatmeal tart  (2nd prize)

"Quite nice - oatmeal base a little thick for my liking; apple sauce a nice idea. Filling well put together - good, clean attempt"



@caalie pineapple tart

"Nice idea! Needs a base though - coconut frangipane would have been brilliant. A base & glaze would have made this a great tart"


"Top tip:  dock pastry in middle with fork to prevent rising when baking"

@Nickiephilbin  - glazed lemon & almond tart

"Looks nice; slightly rustic pastry, slightly heavy with lemons. Good effort. Top marks for styling"





@nigs  Glazed strawberry & blueberry on a biscuit base  

"Very pretty; nice idea. Does tart have a filling? - Would need a dairy filling to balance out. Slightly thick case"



@TrinityRhapsody - 5 minute summertart strawberries on hobnob base

"Nice - good presentation. Good effort for a 5 minute tart, not enough effort for a winner"



@m4rydenovo - chocolate strawberries tart

"I'm sure this was great fun to make. Find concept slightly questionable."





@MaggiePhilbin - passion fruit tart

"A great summer tart, but overcooked. Oven should be at 110c. Stir custard, don't whisk. Otherwise, brilliant effort"




@JimAnning - lemon tart with raspberry coulis (3rd Prize)
Special Photo award - winner best photo for hashtag lemons shot (at top)

"Nice - lemon and raspberry a brilliant combination. Pastry slightly overcooked; slightly heavy handed on icing sugar garnish "

"Top tip: place blind tart in oven and then pour in mix whilst the tart is in the oven rather than transferring a filled mould across the kitchen"

@Andyqsmith apricot and almond lattice tart

"Great to see a lattice tart. Egg wash the pastry. Cook apricots before - otherwise they bleed & spoil pastry. Nice effort"




@Handbagpets -  local asparagus, bacon and goats cheese tart, served with watercress salad and smoked cod's roe.
"Adventurous idea, I’m not convinced the roe is needed and the flan looks a little heavy on egg!"



Thanks once again to Adam for his professional, insightful and very helpful comments.

Big claps for our winners @Annraulston, @stu_art_ist and @JimAnning. Jim also won the special best photograph award. Ann hails from the USA, indicating the power and reach of twitter! Thanks also to Nickie Philbin for organizing the competition.

Well done too to all our entrants; everyone is so brave having their efforts put up in public for critique! Can you do better? - enter next month's competition, which will be specified by this month's winner, Ann. Follow @Nickiephilbin for announcements. This month's competition can be followed on twitter on the hashtag #summertart.

The group photo album is at Photobucket


Trinity
Adam Byatt

4 The Polygon
Clapham
London
SW4 0JG

Follow Trinity on twitter - @TrinityLondon
Follow Adam Byatt on twitter - @AdamByatt

Next twitter cookoff competition: Summer Sandwich

Previous twitter cookoff competition: Summer Pudding

Banksy in Bristol

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"Banksy may also have spraypainted himself into a corner with the art establishment. It's hard not to see the Cans Festival as a spoiler to Tate Modern's exhibition - especially as it was held at a location 10 minutes' walk away from the Tate. The event celebrated Street Art outside the stictures of the gallery system. But although in addition to Cans, Banksy has also created work featuring collectors bidding on a picture at auction called 'Morons' and decorated the steps of Tate Britain with a stencilled 'Mind the Crap' prior to the 2001 Turner Prize, his work is already in many major art collections - he's even donated work to a number of British galleries in a series of stunts similar to those carried out in New York's museums. A major gallery show seems inevitable. Sotheby's James Sevier says: 'If you look at the upcoming Tate Modern show, Banksy's notable by his omission. Maybe he was asked, maybe he wasn't [Tate Modern says he wasn't], but to participate in that show would go against what he believes in.' "

- How prescient of The Observer.

So, do we think Banksy has sold out? Love him or hate him, this is bound to be the artistic event of the summer.

An artist needs to eat. Recognition in one's lifetime and financial success go together; the paradox is great art from a historical perspective needs neither. The successful artist has to negotiate this paradox, and many have failed. Turner is an example of someone who came from virtually the gutter, achieved massive financial success, and then used his financial independence to create ever more challenging art; leaving all his contemporaries flailing in his wake. One hundred years later the late Turner canvases were rotting in the cellars of the National Gallery; it was only with the rise of Abstract Expressionism that they became fully recognized as works of genius. The radical techniques of Constable, Van Gogh and Cezanne were funded by family resources, not sales. Failures would include Millais (who sold out, literally, to Pear's Soap) and Dali.

The Bristol show is particularly hollow given Banksy's response to last year's Street Art show at the Tate. Fascinating that Nick Serota is so generous in his door-stopped comment on Banksy in the above promotional video on YouTube. The irony slays me.

Time as they say moves on, and it's time now to reassess my previous estimation of Banksy.

[Edit] - See also Cultural Snow's post Really spraying something

Singing at The Scoop

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The London Gay Men's Chorus gave two free open air concerts in The Scoop yesterday evening, largely featuring songs about London. A stand out for me was the inclusion of Amy Winehouse’s Rehab in a fantastic medley of London songs; it just about brought the house down (7:20 in the video below).



The Scoop has surprisingly good acoustics - as the space is a kind of modern take on the classic ancient greek theatre format I suppose it should. So the space reverberated to manly voices very pleasantly. I was less enchanted by the section of the audience I was sitting amongst. It’s clearly unrealistic to expect concert hall standards of behaviour in an al fresco setting, but some people chatted quite loudly all the way through, amongst each other and even on mobile phones. To cap it all a girl behind me insisted on singing along to her favourite song, in a voice best suited to the privacy of her bathroom. Oh well I suppose it shows she was enjoying it.

The choir triumphed over all the distractions, and won a standing ovation at the end of their performance.

after the constructivists

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Londonist has published another photograph of mine - this one taken in the members' room at Tate Modern, while Catriona and I were decompressing after our visit to the Rodchenko & Popova exhibition.

@BullyingUK

I have been thinking about doing this for several days now, ever since I was alerted to this issue by my twitter friend @efan78, but it has been surprisingly difficult to get round to it. However, time is now running out and as something which has affected my life profoundly I have to support this.

Bullying at school really blights lives - every year in the UK, at least 16 teenagers commit suicide as a result of bullying (and this figure is probably massively underreported). And the survivors suffer the effects for years afterwards - a kind of post-traumatic syndrome.

It is amazing that Britain has a charity which combats school bullying and the damage it cause - BullyingUK - and this is such a worthwhile cause to support.

I grew up in a time and place where such institutions did not exist. I was bullied at school every day for about two-and-a-half-years. No escape, knowing each day I had to return to face my tormentors and whatever cruel humiliations they had cooked up for me that day. Name-calling was the least of it: groups devised ways of getting me into trouble with the teachers; I was completely ostracized and isolated.

As a defensive strategy I emotionally walled myself in: ruthlessly guarding any access to any information about myself or my emotions. These habits I have never managed to grow out of.

Physically as well, apart from the absolute requirement of attending school I shut myself up at home in my room; not going out anywhere or socializing in case of meeting anyone from school. Very occasionally I may have accompanied my parents to the shops or the municipal library.

It is so difficult for someone in that position to seek help; you are so immersed in the horror (as well as the normal upheavals of adolescence) you don’t have the objectivity to assess what your best options are. Hence the suicides. Completely at my wit’s end, I did appeal to my father for help, but he was emotionally incapable of dealing with situation at all was was pretty useless - he didn’t even raise it with the school. And as for the school, I knew that some teachers were aware of what was going on and for whatever reason they did nothing too.

My father was quite authoritarian and made me have a very naff haircut that completely marked me out at school. Isolation as well kept me quarantined from teenage fashions - my mum bought most of my clothes anyway - so I was pretty much dressed as a freak, negatively reinforcing the situation.

Looking back now, it amazes me that I survived and went on to a very successful university career, graduating with a first in English Literature and History of Art. I then came to live and work in London, which I love.

The turning point for me was when a new boy arrived at my school who I made friends with - despite the best efforts of my tormentors this brave person chose my friendship over the popularity of the crowd. I really think that when they saw I had a strong relationship they backed off and the bullying seemed to cease as mysteriously as it began.

But one always wonders if it could happen again: trusting people and being self-confident are issues for me still.

I was lucky. Some kids don’t get that break and end up taking their lives. But survival must be possible.

So, with @efan78 - Ethan Kristopher-Hartley of 140 Characters blog - I say:


“This is why I support @BullyingUK - and why you should too.  Take a couple of seconds to vote to win them some advertising on the sides of buses from Up Everyone’s Street.  Visit their website at Bullying.co.uk and donate to them as well.  And if you’re a blogger you have 1 day left to help them in the Blogging for a Cause campaign.”




This blog post is part of Zemanta's "Blogging For a Cause" campaign to raise awareness and funds for worthy causes that bloggers care about.

Clapham Man Wins!

In further weekend news, I won a competition! Hoorah!

It’s official - my Summer Pudding is the best on the internet!

The competition was organized on the phenomenally successful social networking site, Twitter, by the BBC’s face of technology, Maggie Philbin (@maggiephilbin) and her sister, Nickie Philbin (@NickiePhilbin). Maggie arranged for top British chef, Anton Edelman of Great Hallinbury Manor to judge the entries.

The challenge was to create the perfect Summer Pudding in time for Bank Holiday Saturday. Twitterers became intrigued, and tweeted the competition far and wide - in the end, entries came from around the world.

I couldn’t resist having a go - after all, what dessert could be more appropriate for the May Bank Holiday? I had some slight knowledge of the weaselly ways of summer puddings - my dear friend Sue made one years ago. Not only does one need to decant the molded bread structure out of a pudding basin without disaster, the fruit juices need to saturate that bread completely. The more juicy gravy you have, the better all round actually.

I decided to invest in a carton of blackberry smoothy. I slathered the bread slices in this as they went into the pudding basin.

I briefly simmered strawberries, blueberries and raspberries in a pan with sugar to release their juices, and then filled the pudding. Weighed down with a saucer, this overnighted in the fridge.

Decanted the next morning, I poured the rest of the juices and stewed fruits over the top, and this was the result:



I uploaded my photos to a group on photobucket, and awaited Anton’s judgement anxiously.

Maggie actually drove to Anton’s restaurant with the entries on her powerbook for Anton to judge:


Anton did a magnificent job judging, giving each entry perceptive and encouraging feedback. Maggie tweeted that Anton who'd never seen Twitter at work had to be dragged back to his kitchen by worried staff - he was in the middle of a massive wedding.

Finally, at 8pm, the news was announced: I was the winner! (read from bottom to top for the correct order - twitter idiosyncracy)



What top Chef Anton Edelman had to say about my pudding:

@edwardclarke "Shows technical ability,polish, beautifully photographed and looks scrumpcious"

I’m stunned. I think it’s the first time I’ve won anything in a competition. Hoorah again!

I had saved the pudding from the morning photoshoot, so we were all able to tuck into an award-winning pudding for dessert.




My prize is to the choose the next twitter tweetcookoff challenge. I am going for a fruit tart; the final is June 27th.


The cookoff twitter fun can be followed on the twitter hashtag #summerpudding.
All the entries can be seen at photobucket.
My summer pudding photos are in a set on flickr.
Benjamin Ellis has excellent coverage of the entire competition on his blog.
Next twitter cookoff competition: Summer Tart

Kiddies and Kitties

Well, it's been a wonderful Bank Holiday Weekend here in Clapham, with glorious weather, mostly, even (the angry jinx gods of Bank Holiday weather clearly didn't get the memo until almost too late).

To round off the weekend, and to keep the joy flowing, I am posting two cute videos. I mine the interwebs for cute, so you don't have to . . .



The above is a live streaming "kitty cam" set up by one of my twitter contacts, @jenblower (so I don't know how long it will be up; sorry if it's gone by the time you read this). The kittens were born on Eurovision night. How cool is that?

I teared up about 2.5 seconds into the next video - see if you can do better . . .

Dismemberment of Jean d Arc

Anish Kapoor ,Dismemberment of Jean d Arc 09/05/2009, originally uploaded by Scarycrow.

Anish Kapoor has wonderful work on display in Brighton at the moment.

Live Tweeting the Eurovision Finals 2009

Anticipation

efan78 Is it bad that I feel like an excited kid on Christmas Eve every #Eurovision final day?

owenblacker If you're looking to avoid #Eurovision, you'll prolly want to unsub from me overnight tonight (paging @Beardy)
Beardy Closing Twitter for the night. Everyone's talking about Eurovision and I'm just not gay enough to give a shit

petshopboys Gay rights rally in Moscow has been brutally broken up by police while an anti-gay demo has gone ahead. Enjoy Eurovision!

zefrog@edwardclarke what time does the madness start? ie when do I need to step away from Twitter to avoid being flooded with Eurovision rubbish?
edwardclarke@zefrog In a few minutes - at 8. Not to worry, Twitter will collapse shortly thereafter!
zefrog Is logging off to avoid Eurovision madness on Twitter (though the thing is apparently scheduled to collapse under the number of tweets) #fb

Wossy #eurovision It's a bit like being on a cruise without the benefit of arriving anywhere at the end of the show.

davidschneider My family actually want me to talk to them rather than tweet. They're so last year #twumpet

ewanspence: 3 minutes to #eurovision 7 minutes to Failwhale #twumpet

Overture & Dima Bilan


bbceurovision WAHEY! And we're HERE! Happy #eurovision Final, everyone! - Paul
ewanspence And here we go, it's "Dima Bilans Saturday Night Takeaway!"
redmummy Sort of a young Depardieu with wires & now demolition - and very, very poor lip syching.@thoroughlygood You concentrating? #eurovision
efan78: Yay! Dima Bilan's face smashed into a wall!!
edwardclarke Will Dima take his shirt off? #Eurovision
owenblacker @ewanspence It must be said, I'm quite upset that he's removed lots of clothes but is still overdressed… #eurovision
owenblacker So busy admiring how pretty Dima is that I nearly forgot to unpause @ewanspence’s commentary :o$ #esc09
roughcognisance LOL @ Dima fucking up with his jacket, the Russian director must be shitting himself! MY PERFECT PRESENTATION RUINED, SHOOT THE BOY!!
valsadie: #Eurovision "Believe" song's not the same without that little ice skater dude... LOL!

Lithuania

edwardclarke Sensitive pouty Lithuanian lad. I think most "sophisticated" song of the evening (bar France) #Eurovision
roughcognisance Lithuania looks bald under that hat, and the song is ... bad. Really bad. Wow. #eurovision #twumpet
redmummy LITHUANIA Oh God he's spontaneously combusting. End of ....#eurovision
Wossy If the fire had come out of his arse I might have been impressed.


Israel

bletherer: This is the second time I can remember Israel has sent an apparently unironic 'peace' song ... and WTF is that dress? esc
Wossy #eurovision one of my dogs farted during the israel entry. Very apt.

France


bbceurovision First of the big hitters up next - Patricia Kaas from France. She's sold MILLIONS of albums right across Europe... - Paul
thoroughlygood Is Patricia's dress "under construction" ? #eurovision
edwardclarke: OMG Eye makeup!
ScoobyDoofus: This French bird looks like she's come straight here from the club she went to last night... #Eurovision
thoroughlygood Patricia is ONE SCARY LOOKING WOMAN #eurovision
edwardclarke@thoroughlygood bunny boiler, definitely!
efan78 Shouldn't Glenn Close be rehearsing for #Damages? #Eurovision Whoo! A dance at the end!

Sweden


efan78 YAY SWEDEN - Remember campers, this is the one - pleeeease! #Eurovision
efan78 Although she does seem to have transplanted Madonna's Arms #Eurovision
thoroughlygood Our Guest says that Malena could ever so slightly look like a post-op transexual. I'm saying nothing. #eurovision
Wossy #eurovision The swedish entry does look rather as if she has a past in adult movies. And perhaps a future judging from the yodelling.
owenblacker Upping my outfits score on the strength of those masks #esc09
efan78 Psst! Swedish Backing group - lend one of those Phantom masks to Lord L-W please? #Eurovision
bletherer My god, it’s Ulrikakaka Goes Trance! #Eurovision
redmummy SWEDEN Is ANYONE counting the number of dead ostriches that have been used in this 'ere competition. Someone call RSPCA please #eurovision
bletherer I quite like Swedish Opera Trance, although it sounds like it could be a British Airways commercial #Eurovision

Croatia

bletherer Croatia with tonight’s first Zorba the Greek entry. The first of many, one hopes #Eurovision
thoroughlygood It’s that smoldering looking bloke in his Doc Martens again. What a little crooner. #eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Mr Croatia looks a bit simple, bless him. #Eurovision

Portugal

bletherer Our verdict on Portugal - quite impressed. I have clearly misjudged the fat chick and accordion combo and I apologise #Eurovision

Iceland

ScoobyDoofus I didn’t know Melinda Messenger was from Iceland... #Eurovision
r_mackinnon Thanks be to jeebus for some music. Thanks, Iceland. You’ll get some votes for that. And the lesbian PM #eurovision
redmummy #eurovision Iceland Mediocrity reaches new heights
helenrf Iceland for me :) but NOT the dress! #eurovision
bbceurovision There seems to be a bit of a ‘toilet-roll holder’ theme with the frocks in this year’s #eurovision... -Paul

Greece



ewanspence Its Greece next. Sakis Rova can jump higher than any other man on the planet, and has an amazing sun-tan bed on stage #eurovision #twumpet
efan78 Has he opened more buttons on his shirt for the final? Will it work? Do we care so long as it's man-totty?
bletherer Greece is pretty epic. Is trance making a comeback or something? I think their singer may have waxed his chest #Eurovision
redmummy GREECE Ah, yes - the light box fandango. What do you reckon the lycra content of his trouser is? They haven't split ... yet. #eurovision
Wossy #eurovision He is like a nightmare Ibizan sex pest.
Simonique: Love Greece!!! Like being in Heaven off your face at 3 In the morning! #eurovision
thoroughlygood You tacky tacky queen Sakis. #eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Greece's entry is gayer than Scooch, and that's saying something. #Eurovision
valsadie #eurovision (rendered speechless by Greece in convulsive laughter!)

Armenia


bbceurovision Yes, it’s the Brides of Dracula! I love ‘em! :D
Wossy #eurovision I am going to move to Armenia.
Wossy #eurovision dem is some fine, hot, mediaeval bitches right there.
thoroughlygood Ladies and Gentlemen . . the best song of the night is from Armenia. Hurrah #eurovision

LGBTQ

Wossy #eurovision I am with Peter Tatchell. Figuratively. Go on Graham, say it ! They are backward fascists. Dumb ass russians.
owenblacker Ooh, was that slightly controversial, Graham commenting on this morning's gay pride stuff in Moscow? #esc09
owenblacker@edwardclarke Twas a comment about "heavy handed policing being something that's marred this year's #Eurovision" or words to that effect

Russia

ewanspence And now, the hosts Russia will attempt to sing “My Lovely Horse” and not have to spend 36 million Euros in 2010 #eurovision #twumpet
ScoobyDoofus Is the Russian singer wearing a towel? #Eurovision
thoroughlygood Russian girl seems to be wearing a shower curtain #eurovision

Azerbaijan

ScoobyDoofus: Ooh the hair thieves! They come in the night. STEAL your hair, they do, and sell it into slavery, in Azerbaijan.
bletherer: I think their backing singers might be fellers. Cracking!

Bosnia & Herzegovina

ewanspence Bosnia next - if coldplay ever did eurovision, it would look like this, right down to the Ridley Scott Hero Pose (tm) #eurovision #twumpet
thoroughlygood OK .. I’m off to the kitchen to get the Vietnamese Prawn Rolls whilst the cast of Les Mis do their song for Bosnia & Herzogovina #eurovision
Simonique #eurovision love a bit of drama school ‘movements’ re: Bosnia.


Moldova

edwardclarke Moldova: *escapes to kitchen for a refill* #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision a strapping lass. Let’s hope she milks a cow for the finale.

Malta

edwardclarke "She never met a malteser she didn't like " Haha best comment yet Graham #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Malta has set one of the dogs into a weird frenzy. he either loves her or hates her. Too soon to tell.
ScoobyDoofus I think the Malteser just took a bite out of the microphone... #Eurovision
roughcognizance Does Chiara have a license for those boobs? #eurovision

Estonia

ewanspence Estonia next, very much a classical piece, making full use of the 200m2 of LED screens... to hide behind #eurovision #twumpet
ScoobyDoofus Seriously, did the Estonian girl actually use the fiddle at any point? #Eurovision
edwardclarke OK Minus points for gratuitous use of violin. #Eurovision

Denmark

edwardclarke Faux Boyzone now #Eurovision
edwardclarke He's relatively easy on the eyes though
thoroughlygood Brinck from Denmark. Top or Bottom? #eurovision
efan78: Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be... Ronan Keating with a Speech impediment #Eurovision
bletherer Ronan Keating wrote Denmark's entry, and the singer has taken it on himself to sing it in the style of a talentless Irish nit #Eurovision
ScoobyDoofus I thought they said Ronan wrote it, not that he was SINGING it... #Eurovision
bbceurovision So should the UK get Ronan to write one for us next year?
edwardclarke@bbceurovision NNOOOOO! #Eurovision
bletherer: Actually, this could have charted.... in 1997 #Eurovision
owenblacker As my wife put it: If Ronan Keating had never existed, this would be quite good #esc09

Germany



owenblacker Really do love Ditta von Teese's outfit; shame they won'let her wear it properly: http://is.gd/Aq2F #esc09
edwardclarke I'm dying to see Dita :-) #Eurovision
roughcognizance OH MY GOD TROUSERS MY EYE MY EYES. Though Dita Von Teese is supposed to appear during this, should be fun. #eurovision
edwardclarke I actually like his sparkly trousers! #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Germany have the best clothes. Love dem trousers
davidschneider Love the tight mirrorball trousers. And he's definitely not Jewish #trumpet
Wossy #eurovision anyone know where Dita Von T stores her internal organs ?
owenblacker That is a different top she's wearing isn't it? #esc09
edwardclarke@owenblacker Yep, it is! How come that one made it past the costume police? #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Germany !!! This is what John Barrowman dreams of after a cheese feast.
thoroughlygood: Are his trousers "day wear" @redmummy?
bletherer Dig the lead singer’s sparkling leggings ... in an alternative universe where I have no shame #Eurovision
Simonique #eurovision definition of irony = German poof singing about Miss Kiss Kiss Bang. You're mum knows you're gay!!! Disco ball trousers!!
ScoobyDoofus His shiny trousers are a crime against humanity. #Eurovision

Turkey

efan78 Hmm, Middle eastern sound, drums, short sharp vocal sounds - must be Turkey (Again!) #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision What are the Turkish ladies wearing round their ankles? Are they electronically tagged to make sure they return?
bletherer Shakira met a package holiday to Izmir down a back alley and clearly this is the result #eurovision


Albania


bbceurovision Are we all loving the blue sparkly gimp?
ewanspence Nightmare time, as the Green Gimp and two Derek Zoolander midgets join Kejsi Tola on stage for Albania #eurovision #twumpet
Wossy #eurovision If you know you're performing on a big stage why hire such small dancers ?
bletherer Albania have kidnapped Geri Halliwell and forced her to become the Blue Man Group's ginger love slave #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Albania. This is just wrong. Surely. Didn't anyone else enter in Albania ?
davidschneider If this were a dream I had I would make sure I never slept again #twumpet
bbceurovision Or is the blue-green man a little happy dancing condom?

Norway


Simonique #eurovision Norway - men humping the stage, always good.
owenblacker A *girl* you knew, Alexander? Really? #esc09
bbceurovision Have Norway fiddled the vote? Fiddle? Get it?



Ukraine


bbceurovision Another of my favourites now - UKRAINE with Svetlana and the cast of the movie "300"...
edwardclarke Svetlana is such a trouper! #Eurovision
Wossy #eurovision Ukraine have given me a headace. Her groin/ hip area is over-active.
redmummy UKRAINE Anti-crisis bomb? Oh yes, this is the best case for nuclear weapons I've heard for years! Where's the red button?
thoroughlygood My mother just called. She wants to call the BBC to complain about Ukraine. #eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Wish the cameraman would actually focus on those Ukranian dancers... #Eurovision
owenblacker Ah yes, I do remember liking the Ukranian dancers before ;o)
edwardclarke Have those centurions stripped, washed and taken to my tent! #Eurovision
roughcognizance@edwardclarke Why would you want them washed? #eurovision
davidschneider Those wheels! This is like porn for hamsters #twumpet #eurovision
efan78 So, is this SPARTAAAAA!!!? anyone? Although if there were ever a pair of f-me boots - they'd be the ones. #Eurovision
style_therapy Of course she plays drums. Of course. Ukraine might get my Eurovision vote for sheer WTF factor...
Simonique #eurovision Ukraine - might as well be in Chariots. Camp camp camp!!!
davidschneider My sexuality is all over the place now. I'm off to join the Roman army



Romania

bletherer I went to Romania once to visit the offices of Hewlett-Packard. Based on what I saw, this song does not surprise me #eurovision
kvinnesland #eurovision Romania is better with the sound off. Likk no body, likk no body.. What?

UK


bbceurovision IT'S OUR TIME! Jade is on next...
Wossy #eurovision Please god let Andrew LW be dressed as the phantom or a cat.
ewanspence Andrew Lloyd Webber is not dressed as The Phantom (Of the Opera). Missed chance there I think. #eurovision #twumpet
thoroughlygood What a fantastically sober coloured shirt the Lord is wearing
efan78 DON'T LOOK AT THE CAMERA ANDREW, for the love of 'God, just don't! #Eurovision
edwardclarke@efan78 Why? Do you think he might break it? #Eurovision
efan78@edwardclarke No, but every look is 5 million voters lost from fear ;-P
owenblacker Hur. From Thingbox: "What's that behind Lord L-Webber? Oh yeah, his career." Hur. #esc09
style_therapy Ooh, classy outfits on all the UK performers, which is a nice change from last year. And is that ANDREW LLOYD WEBER?
davidschneider OK. We get it. It's your time. #twumpet
davidschneider Well, at least we've got the best-looking pianist #twumpet #eurovision
kvinnesland #eurovision UK has entered the wrong contest. Beautiful song, but do they expect to win without a stupid show and silly pants?
roughcognizance Technically brilliant, moving and emotional. Still not convinced it's #Eurovision material though.
style_therapy The UK putting in a halfway decent showing at Eurovision? That's just not on. I feel kind of cheated.

Finland

Wossy #eurovision Finland have lost the plot. They should have phoned each other to co-ordinate outfits. Sir Ben Kingsley raps. Who knew ?
Simonique #eurovision did Finland not get the memo? It's not 1999 anymore!!!
davidschneider Finland has the highest rate of suicides in the world. That's all I'm saying. #twumpet #eurovision


Spain

Kogenre Spain: The set designer overdosed on purple. Waaayyy tooo much.
edwardclarke Oh Soraya isn't wearing that gorgeous white dress - this is quite tarty. #Eurovision
ScoobyDoofus Is that Duncan from Blue dancing for Spain?
edwardclarke@ScoobyDoofus the boy dancers are way too overdressed! #Eurovision
ScoobyDoofus@edwardclarke Maybe they should have borrowed the centurion costumes from Ukraine...
edwardclarke@ScoobyDoofus I actually would have preferred those with slightly fewer encumbrances, also! :-) #Eurovision

Voting, Interval and Scoring

ewanspence Thats your 25 of the night! Who gets your vote? Time to open the voting by leaving Europe and going to a SPACE STATION!
bbceurovision Space. the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Eurovision...

edwardclarke Ok, will the rest of evening be ruined??? Tension mounts! #Eurovision Time for tea.

ScoobyDoofus Hmmm. I think I want Finland to win, followed by the Ukranian dancers. And third choice is Portugal. #Eurovision
davidschneider Well, it's Armenia for me. Best Eurovalue: UberGreek, the Moldovan Space Invader dancers and the revolving Albanian dwarves



ewanspence Interval act demands the phrase "can I have what theyre having?" Pity the Olimpisky stadium is (allegedly) alcohol free #eurovision #twumpe
ewanspence Nothing like some watersports at Eurovision <fx:ducks> #eurovsion #twumpet
Wossy#eurovision let Lord Lloyd Weber have a swim in the puddle. Please. But watch out - if he gets wet he turns into a gremlin.

Wossy #eurovision please don't turn the lights on over the audience. Like being in a euro night club at chucking out time.

edwardclarke Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease can UK has some votes at least, this year??! #Eurovision
thoroughlygood I think we'll know after the first two countries have cast their votes how the UK has done. #eurovision
ewanspence: Spain vote 8 for POrtugal (cough), 10 for UK (yaay, that;'s promising) and 12 to Norway. #eurovision #twumpet
thoroughlygood HURRAH for Spain!
edwardclarke Spain I love you!
ScoobyDoofus@edwardclarke I think we've peaked...

. . .

efan78 Ah bejesus! 10 points from the Oirish! May all your rainbows have leprechauns! #Eurovision

. . .

DavidBrain #eurovision Wow Iceland have more Eurovision points than money

. . .

ScoobyDoofus So, we just need 190 points from the next two votes, and we've won!
#Eurovision


Reactions



zefrog Is it over yet? #eurovision
thoroughlygood So we're in the top five. Alright then. Yes. I can face Monday. Life can continue. UK team should be pleased - even if I was over-optimistic
davidschneider It's not the winning that counts. It's the coming fifth #twumpet #eurovision
bbceurovision I'm frankly amazed that Ukraine hasn't done any better. Think of poor Svetlana and her mortgaged flat!

thoroughlygood Has Dima Bilan had a stroke since the beginning of the programme? #eurovision
plastic_snowman@thoroughlygood he's still recovering from running through those walls

owenblacker RT @CllrTim: Who would have thought, after this week, a bloke on the fiddle could be so popular. #twumpet #eurovision
davidschneider: The Norwegian boy might lose his virginity tonight. The Albanian dwarves have their eyes on him

roughcognizance Norway was just so. fucking. shit. It's like the poetry a 15 year old geek writes for his GCSE English course. #eurovision
roughcognizance And in non-Eurovision news, I have a cookie. Nom nom.

efan78 RT @J0rdanhunt i went shopping today! im so happy and i just watched the Eurovision dong contest with my mom, havnt seen her in like a month
efan78 Am I the only person scared of the #Eurovision Dong contest? ;-P
edwardclarke@efan78 Now we’re talking!
efan78@edwardclarke Actually, we could get all the stoners together and hold the #Eurovision Bong Contest
bbceurovision What a fantastic night, I thought. One of my fave #eurovision finals ever. Lovely to be in with a chance for once! Roll on 2010!
redmummy I really do NOT like that Norwegian kid's face. I'm not watching next year. End of. (I say that every year). #eurovision - See you next year
thoroughlygood #Eurovision is all over now. Thank God for that. http://bit.ly/eBP1N

Aftermath

juli_e bbc news seems to have misinterpreted the new voting system as a voting system guaranteed to give the UK a win #twumpet

GrahamNorton Well everyone we didn’t win! Remind me to strike Norway off as a holiday destination, unless I’m wearing ear plugs! Only joking of course! x

style_therapy@Richaod Any time! I don't know how I ever did Eurovision without Twitter.

More Tweets:
Eurovision 2009 Semi Finals 1
Eurovision 2009 Semi Finals 2