Big Brovaz wuz robbed!!

A fantastic, original song, a theatrical performance blasting energy - a vote-winner with the European observers present - so of course we didn't pick them. Doh!

Instead, Scooch won. Hyped as being 'a return to pop' (circa 1974, I'd say), this is a pitch-perfect example of its genre: the British Eurovision Song. It honestly would not exist without the Eurovision Song Contest. A teeny tiny part of me thinks its aggressive campery may just do it for us - however, the larger part thinks this will sink without trace. Deservedly so.

Justin Hawkins, ex-frontman of Darkness, and Beverlei Brown were the bookies' favourites. An absolutely inspired pairing with stupendous costumes. Sad the song was par-for-the-course Hawkins stuff, and for Eurovision greater attention should have been given to the choreography. This was never going to win; the package didn't live up to the ingredients.

Liz McClarnon's effort (Don't It Make You) Happy! was my second choice. I think she was let down slightly by off-production and opening-act nerves (although in spectacular voice) - the backing dancers appeared at least to this unschooled observer to be under-rehearsed.

Least said the better about Brian Harvey's ballad. I was pleased to see him fighting back from the verge of personal tragedy, etc etc etc.

Fern Cotton's dress was fantastic in the first half of the programme. But she reverted to that wide and deep v-cut neck-line in the second half WHICH DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR HER! ~ note to stylist. It was amusing to watch her manage dear old Terry Wogan. His gaga old buffer act is reaching a fairly critical stage - is it actually, in fact, not an act at all??!! - He announced as the winner Cyndi's Celine Dion-esque effort, and had to be corrected by Fern. That this was the runner-up was a second reason for despair.

However, the ominously threatened Morrisey entry did not transpire, and for this all Smiths fans must be forever grateful.

This year's Eurovision Song Contest will take place in Helsinki on 12 May.

Meet the UK's Eurovision hopefuls
Gaffe mars Scooch Eurovision win