Brothers in Arms

My brother has sibling Issues. This I learned. As eldest, it has escaped my attention 'till now but he definitely has issues.

He is the PhD in the family. This is clearly very important. He informed us that if you have an MA in the UK you are considered a failure (I have an MA). Hmmmm. I feel that there are mlllions and millions of people in the UK without tertiary education at all who live quite happy and successful lives.

At a dinner for Ingrid and Peter he interrupted and spoke over Ingrid whenever she tried to say anything. This surprised me as I have always regarded J's social skills as superior to mine. And at the end of dinner he made a great deal of paying for me as I was 'unemployed'. Urgh.

The day of the funeral was relatively good. After all the guests left my mother asked to go shopping - which turned out to be a really good time, with lots of useful clothes shopping (she hadn't bought anything for herself for two years) and us ending up at a nice cafe afterwards. However, J spoiled everything later by starting a silly argument which rapidly became very heated. I was out of the room at the time, and returned to a catastrophoc change of emotional temperature. Stony silence all round. Then he stormed out. Mum and I stayed, her a bit weepy. Half-an-hour later he returned; mum tried building bridges, rebuffed by J, who statrted ramping up the heat some more. In the middle of all this my aunt telephoned. Mum took the call. J continued his stupid tirade, undeterred by the fact mum was now focussing on her sister. I snarled at him to get some proportion: after all, mum had just buried her husband that day.

He screamed at me! ~ but my words had effect as he climbed down rapidly. Both he and mum spent the rest of the weekend over-compensating, which was stressful in itself.

I am told it is usual for there to be family arguments in periods of bereavement. Whatever. I am however really angry with my sister, who decided not to come to the funeral at all due to 'ill health' (although she's well enough to go to work). I'm shocked at anyone missing their parent's funeral.